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Understanding men adult content

ive been in a relationship with my husband for the last 9 years and the last two we have been married. we have 4 kids together. 2 boys and 2 girls. all of them with some kind of special a stay ayt home mom with all of them while my husband works constuction and by the time he comes home he is either in to much pain that he sleeps or he is so irrated that you cant stand to be around him. i come to find out that all he does when im not home is watch porn on the computer and i found him on a personal but he swears up and down that he loves me. im so confussed, pissed and heartbroken. when i confronted him he said he is not cheating. so why would he be on a personal. im so confused i need some answers

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Asked by angeleyz375 at 4:12 PM on Jun. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (708 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Sometimes, my husband is equally cryptic and not giving in information, yes, and understanding him is guesswork with very little to go on, even a facial expression, much less words. So this post is indeed similar.

    Answer by Tracys2 at 4:15 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Asshole!

    Answer by treynlisa at 4:25 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Ive given up trying to understand my DH. He is the same way. He used to be way worse than he is now though. I sat him down and told him i was not okay with his behavior. I also found him on a dating site and he had posted that i had left him and took our daughter completely away from him so i was just as hurt as you probably are. Try talking it out with him. He has gotten a lot better about everything since we had our last BIG talk about it. Good luck. Men can be insensitive jerks, thats just all there is too it. Sorry...

    Answer by mrs.miner at 4:42 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • First of all, I'm really sorry. And I'm gonna go out on a limb and say..he probably DOES love you. Porn with men is werid. It's something they don't think of as hurting you whatsover. It's quick and easy and they can get their "fix". Don't be angry at him for him, but maybe instead talk to him and say you miss him alot and really want to spend intimate time with him. Ask him to stop looking at it because to you, it's hurtful.

    And when you say personal, do you mean personal ad?

    Answer by Sarahbeth7 at 4:43 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Well maybe its not just work that gets him acting the way he does ? Maybe its his home life? Maybe its just too much for him to handle ? 4 special needs children is a lot to deal with afte working all day. I don't think this is about you. I think he's just having a hard time coping and those things help him "get away" from his problems. Maybe ask him to go to therapy or something ? ALL MEN WATCH PORN. If they say they don't, they are lying and a woman is dumb for believing that her SO or DH isn't watching it bc "he's different" Every man watches porn, it just depends on if you make him hide it or not, which most women make them hide it. But anyways, I say don't take the porn personal. I also say the personal website is yes a big issue. I'd be very unhappy & needing answers. I'm sorry you are going thru this, Hun. Just do what you can to keep the relationship going & thats all you can do. Its a two way street. Good Luck!

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 4:57 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • He very well may be addicted to porn. It happens, and he can no more give it up than if he were addicted to cocaine. If he has figured out that he is addicted, that would more than explain his grumpiness. Dr. Doug Weiss has written a book on this subject: THE FINAL FREEDOM. He also has a website I would offer to help my husband get the help he needs, but beyond that, I think it amounts to adultery because you know that when he is looking, he is fantasizing about what he could be doing with them. It's one of the things that though I've never had to deal with in 46 years of marriage, I have always known that I absolutely would not be able to tolerate. I would talk to him about it, call it what it is, and offer help. If he refuses all that, I would probably leave. I do not believe in divorce, but as I said, I also do not believe in sharing my husband's affections with another, real or imagined.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:11 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I do have to agree with proud, and I have to say, I don't think she was meaning to side with him. Or meaning to say YOU are doing something wrong. I think that maybe home life is hard on your hubby, however, that is something HE needs to deal with. Those are HIS kids, too. He needs to come to grips with things, and come together with you as a team, instead of working against you. Which is what appears to be happening. As for the porn, IDK if he's addicted. But, more then likely it's that he is just being selfish and wants to just 'get his' and not take the time to satisfy you. So, he turns to porn. As for the personal, I'm guessing you are meaning a personals ad? Well, the porn I could work with, though I wouldn't be happy about it. The ad, no way. That is bordering on cheating. If he can't deal with what's going on at home, then adding an affair isn't gonna fix it. Talk to him about it, call him on his bull shit.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 7:46 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

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