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3 Bumps

Commitment vs marriage

Ok, relationship-wise what is the difference? I understand the legal protections and all that...
If you are in a committed relationship you aren't going to walk way when things get tough. You work with and for each other to resolve problems and differences and to achieve each others' personal and shared goals. You look toward the future together. In a committed relationship you understand that both parties have something valuable to bring to the table. You respect each other. You have each others' backs. You never have to question the other's faithfulness or motivations. You share a deep trust in one another. You never eel like you have to put on an act for the other person because they know your true self and they accept you and all your flaws and love you with them.
How is this less than a married couple? Marriage IS a commitment, on paper and in front of your family and friends, and, if you believe, God. Unfortunately about half end in divorce, so marriage in and of itself obviously doesntt guarantee that your partner won't leave or cheat or be selfish or controlling or whatever. The marriage itself doesn't make the relationship. The relationship was already there. Getting married didn't make it better or more real. Did it?

Answer Question
 
Nicoles2LilRams

Asked by Nicoles2LilRams at 5:40 PM on Jun. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,161 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • For me marriage is a greater commitment than just living together. Sure there are people who don't honor that commitment, which is how we get divorce statistics, but since nothing has to be done for those living together to just split how can we know whether or nor more marriages fail than "commitments"?

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 5:44 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • In some instances the couples get married for economic reasons: taxes, life insurance, health insurancea, trust will, etc. And overall couples get married because they are sure that the person is the right partner.
    Withthreeboys

    Answer by Withthreeboys at 5:45 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • To me, a marriage does make it better. It changes the perception somehow. And fwiw, the only reason that it's not documented how many committed relationships vs marriages fail is because it's not something that can easily be determined.... where are the figures supposed to come from? It's too simplistic to say that the marriage certificate ends a relationship. Some relationships are doomed to fail, period.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 5:45 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • for sure..i've had several failed 'committeds'..only one marriage, still going and going and going....

    its not the paper that holds the relationship in check (except for the legalities, etc.)..its the people involved. no one counts failed-committeds, op.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 5:47 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Marriage made it HARDER for my husband and I, because you kind of fall out of that "dating & romancing" part of it (especially with a new baby) But who says its any LESS than a married couple? For me I guess it was the PROMISE before God to never give up on our love. That's why I married my hubby. Promising someone makes you work harder at it. + a diamond ring!! :)
    cailynsmommy626

    Answer by cailynsmommy626 at 5:49 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I never said that a marriage certificate is WHY those relationships failed. I said getting married DIDN'T change the relationship that was already there.
    I know in my relationship it's more than the cost or inconvenience of a divorce that keeps us together through rough times. Not saying you as a married woman can't say the same! Please don't get me wrong! What I am trying to say is that marriage iss not neede in order to have a legitimate relationship.
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Comment by Nicoles2LilRams (original poster) at 5:50 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • For me its a greater commitment then just living together. I believe in God and believe that under God I am married and tied to my husband and that He sees me and my husband as one person because of our marriage. I also believe because we have children together it sets a better example of both my religious views and lifestyle views. There is a real moral decline in our country and to me it is sad to see families who more often than not are living together or divorced. It shouldnt be that way. No one is perfect I have divorced myself because I married someone I was not equally yolked with, but for me I think marriage is a better option. I dont want my kids to say oh no thats my moms boyfriend and my dad.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 5:52 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • cailynsmommy don't you worry, I have my diamond ring ;)
    And we are also WELL past the dating and romancing stage. We have been together for 7yrs and have two beautiful children. If I didn't tell you, you wouldn't know I wasn't married.
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Comment by Nicoles2LilRams (original poster) at 5:55 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Oh, and I want you ladies to know I am in no way against marriage! We will be taking that lst legal tep soon actually. But the state of our relationship is not defined by it.
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Comment by Nicoles2LilRams (original poster) at 5:58 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I think to each his own, but in my case marriage is a commitment to God as well as my husband, and I am in no way against those who don't practice it, unless they have been "committed to 4 or 5 baby daddies" LOL<, I have a semi-friend who has been married 4 times, so why bother??? PS she is 35 years old,,LOL!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 6:02 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

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