Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

6 Bumps

Giving up on being a parent?

I have been having alot of trouble with my DD it's too the point i don;t want to be around her which is hard to admit being she is only 5 I know alot of your jaws probably just dropped but it's a hard situation unless your here witnessing what I go through with her and she is mainly like this with me I am at my wits end I have tried everything i can to spend time with her and it's always an argument or something and then I'm not nice..I don;t beat her or anything but I don;t say nice things to her which i feel awful about later...she is going for the summer to my g-mas several states away. well my g-ma said she can keep her for the school yr. she will be going into Kindergarten and I'm thinking of letting her...I want a better relationship with my DD and if this is what I have to do to get that then okay...now my friend said I'm giving up on being a parent I don;t see that I have 2 other kids and they are staying with me. I just don;t know what else to do things are getting worse and I think she will grow up resenting me more for our horrible mother daughter relationship then sending her away for a yr. and seeing her on holidays and hopefully she will come back better and I will miss her so i will be better towards her as well. it's not an easy choice and it's actually something I had though and prayed about before my g-ma even mentioned it.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Jun. 4, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (44)
  • you have to do what you think is best for you and your family. How old are your other kids?? Maybe see how the summer goes before you make a year-long decision about it. good luck.
    bloomsr

    Answer by bloomsr at 6:24 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I think she will resent you if you send her away. You need to try and seek counseling or something with her now before it gets worse. You cannot just walk away from your daughter. My mom did something similar. She is 60 yrs old and cries on the phone to me now saying how sorry she is/was for sending me to my grandmas and for always making me someone elses priority or problem. It will haunt YOU and let me tell you it will hurt her sure, but in the end she wont care. and that is worse for you. She wont care about you AT ALL. I know it sounds horrible but I really dont care about my mom or her feelings.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 6:26 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • How old are your other kids?
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 6:28 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • If she is only this way with you perhaps it is time to look into some parenting classes or counseling. Unless something is medically wrong kids just don't wake one morning and go bad. It is a gradual process and lack of good discipline and consistancy are major keys. If you have to 'fight' with a 5 yr old you likely never had control in the first place. If you are speaking horribly to her, saying hurtful things, destroying her self esteem..let her go. If you expect her to come back in a year and all will be 'fixed' you're mistaken. She may need help. You surely need help. I am NOT judging you. Just telling you what I've learned after raising children for the last 28 years solid. I am also a grandmothjer who wound up adopting her grandkids. You daughter will feel like you are 'throwing her away" if you do not handle it properly. She will resent that siblings got to stay home. The road you are taking is perilous for you both.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 6:31 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I was thinking about seeing how the summer goes. my position on it is it's not forever if 3 months in i feel okay I want her home then she will come home. My other 2 are 1 and 3. I don't know what the right answer is and being up there any amount of time may change nothing. I don't know.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:31 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • i think you def need some time apart maybe try 2 week before you make any big decisions you need to set some rules even if you not having her full time i have a one worning then time out rule i have a step son with bad behavioural problems or well he dose with everyone but me see i time out in the hall as it boring and its away from me we all need time to cool down . i don't argue as once i say your going in time out your going in time out no mater how long it takes and i will take away tv, puddings ,toy you name it what ever that kid likes best i will take if the refuse to do there time out


    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • i'm also going to make her choice...whenever she wants to come home she can so she doesn't feel i'm giving her away. she is a very smart independant little girl and if she feels its her choice then i know she will be fine with it,
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:34 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • cont -

    take the time your daughter away to wright to her nice pen pal letters so she can see positive side of you and as you g-ma to help dd wright back positive letters . i also wright her a letter from your other 2 kids there never to young to help and even if there baby you can make a letter from them with photo in them i do this for a kid in foster care long story she not me or dh kid but thinks we are her family
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I know i need help my mom ws the same way towards me that i am towards her i see it I know whats wrong I just don't know how to handle it. My g-ma raised me for most my life and I don;t resent my mom for that I thank her for that actually. She let my g-ma give me a life she couldn't. It's just a yr. if that. I'm not giving her away forever and not looking back I'm not giving her to the state I'm having her stay with her great f-ma for a bit.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:39 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • IMO, if you have 2 other ones that are 1 and 3, then what's going to happen when they reach that same age? I have 2 in the 5-7 range and I miss my newborns that didn't talk back and argue but that's what happens when children grow and start becoming separate individuals. If your mother was the same way, then at least you are aware of the root of the problem. It is you and you do need the help (I mean that in a kind way). Get the help you need now before you hurt your DD anymore. Therapy with the kids would be great for all of you as well.
    SwePea

    Answer by SwePea at 6:48 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.