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If you had more than one child, could you love and care about one child but then totally blow off the other?? (vent) I appreciate anyone who helps me out with this. It is really affecting my life.


My mother ended up messaging me saying that she wanted to see my daughter and would like to see me when she came to Kansas. Here is the thing, my brother was the very LAST person she would ever expect to want to talk to her. He just has been so angry over the years at her that he just never wanted to hear from her. Well when he decides to talk to her all of a sudden NOW my daughter is important?? NOW she wants to see her just cuz she thinks that now that my brother wants to say hi that we can all be one big happy family??? NO i dont think so. My daughter didnt matter all this time and NOW she matters. Thats bullshit. Im not gonna fight for her attention or weigh out who she loves more out of us 3 kids. I dont want to get hurt by her anymore... am i being unreasonable? I tried and tried to have a relationship with her since my sophmore year in highschool and im almost 21 now. Im just done with her shit. A part of me wants to tell her that i dont wanna be hurt by her anymore, but then another part of me wants to apologize for ignoring her messages and that i have a bigger heart then that and will be willing to try again...what do i do.. ugh...

Below is a bit of what happened not long ago that i had posted awhile back.

LONG story short. My mother has had 3 kids. My half sister with one man and 2 (my brother and i) with our dad. She dropped off the face of the earth since we were kids. Nothing to do with us. Years later i find her and we try to have a relationship, but i dont think i need to tell you how that ended since she was awful enough to leave her kids in the first place.

We did not end on good terms at all. Well randomly my brother decides he wants to talk to her for the first time in years. So he wanted me to give him her number. He called the number and he said it didnt go thru. Like the number was disconnected or something. So i text her and tell her my brother wants to say hi to her and if this was her number. She didnt say anything back. But then my half sister texted her "hey" and got an immediate reply.

This irritates me not because i actually care to talk to her..but the fact that she is choosing to talk to only ONE of her kids, when my half sister does not want to talk to her either. She only texted her "hey" to see if it was her number still.
What kind of mother does that?
She is an awful person. When i met her she did nothing but talk shit on my deceased father.. what kind of mother does that? Regardless of what happened between two child should be told awful things about their dead father from their "mother".
She called me awful things and after i got pregnant i just decided that there was no reason for me to talk to her. I would NEVER do the things she has done or say the things she has said to my daughter so why do i feel like I deserve that?

Ive already been hurt by her at the fact that she didnt ever want me in the first place. But when she chooses to talk to my sister but not me.. that actually hurts worse. What the fuck did i ever do to deserve this? I didnt get a chance in the first place..she already chose to hate me when i was born.

Anyway... could you really be able to choose between your kids?? Is there really ANYTHING that could keep you from loving your kids?? Cuz i cant think of a thing that would stop me from ever being there for my daughter.

Answer Question

Asked by Mommy103110 at 8:35 PM on Jun. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,699 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Just forget her. I've had the same kind of issues with my dad. He up and moved to Vegas with his new wife and son when I was a senior in high school. I haven't seen him since. My grandmother (his mother) came up to visit recently and told him I had a baby. He sent a gift and a sizable check but I refuse to cash it out of principle. I want nothing to do with him.

    Answer by jteffs at 8:40 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • sorry your mom is so terrible. I would not allow her into my life. She had the choice to love you for years- she blew her opportunity to be your mother when she ditched you.

    Answer by bloomsr at 8:43 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Both of you are so right! And not only that, but I was the one who got her number to talk to her and contact her a long time ago. SHE never tried to find me. But she gives me some kind of high. I cant explain. It's like when she comes around and decides she wants to be a mom it puts me in a vulnerable state where i want to talk to her and get that "high" from her. But now i know the end the end her true colors wills how and i dont want to get hurt anymore. So i dont wanna give this is where im at...wondering if i should give in or not...I just wonder if im being ridiculous and if i should atleast give her a chance to know my daughter and let my daughter have her own opinion on her. But then again, my job is to protect Avery from ppl like her, who can hurt others so easily...i just am stuck.

    Comment by Mommy103110 (original poster) at 8:48 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • write your mother a letter on how her actions effected you. It must have been difficult growing up with a absent mother I am sure your mom has some major issues. Sounds like your mom is a very selfish person and maybe your better off without her negativity around. Focus on your baby girl and protect her from having a person in and out of her life. Surround yourself with family and people who love you and make you feel good.  Remember you have done nothing wrong you were a Innocent child.


    Answer by mommiedear at 9:08 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Thank you so much mommiedear. Its hard to not wanna give in because obviously my dad is gone so Avery has no grandpa and my husbands parents arent good grandparents to her, my family just see's Avery as just another its hard to surround myself with good ppl when there arent a lot around me. I just feel like i shouldnt ignore the chance i could have with her being a mom when she is willing to be it. But i know she will end up doing the same thing over and over. Say horrible things about my dad, about me, never call..i will always be the one calling...never see us. nothing. She is very selfish.

    Comment by Mommy103110 (original poster) at 9:13 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I am so sorry 2 hear about ur story hun,ur mother is obviously disgusting!!!!!!!! she dont dserve u & ur brother.I am a parent, I have a son,my one & only, but I couldnt imagine............. forget ur mom,make her "REACH OUT" 4 u guys! she needs 2 some EFFORT 2 want her children.STOP REACHING OUT & EXPECTING ANYTHING FROM HER.Be proud that ur not turning out 2 b just like her,sounds like u love ur daughter & a "GOOd mother" so,she should be ashamed of that. Just STOP REACHING OUT,let her REACH for u guys....good luck w/ ya!

    Answer by inahan at 10:05 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I personally could NOT. I love both my girls to pieces. However, we have a friend of my dd's in this exact situation. The mom, had an affair with next door neighbor. She had 5 children, (one with special needs-Autism). She divorced their dad. Moved in next door. Was given custody of her children but didn't TAKE any of them. Can you imagine living next door to your mom with another man she just married and she doesn't see you ever but takes her new husbands kids everywhere like nothing ever happened. Most insane thing I've ever watched. My point.....some people are just that cold hearted and selfish! They popped out children for some reason other than the right reason and then...they just decide when they want to get on with their life....they just leave. SAD.SAD.SAD. But, it happens. Yes, I can see why you feel the way you feel! I'd have to move on if she hasn't changed.

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 10:24 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • You know that girl who goes from one bad abusive realationship to another? She calls her exs when she is drunk or lonely or upset?

    You are doing the same thing with your "womb donor". You are in an abusive realtionship with her and you need to get out and go to a therapist for your unresolved feelings. Try to talk your brother into going with you. I hope you can get your head together and just let her go.

    Answer by cueballsmom at 10:25 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Aww, I have an Avery too. "Avery Lauren".

    Good Luck!

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 10:26 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • cueballsmom- i never thought of it that way but it makes sence completely. This has helped me sooooooo much you ladies dont even know! Thank you so much for your help. Your comments have really givin me the courage to go with my gut feeling! I cant talk to my brother about it, he just doesnt care. He could never talk to her again and not care..he is a different story. Cuz my sister and i, we are soooo much more sensitive about it all. And you are right **Inahan**!! She needs to be reaching out to ME!!! She needs to be fighting for me...but i know she wont...and i cant handle it. I can't handle that she doesnt care enough to want to fight for hurts me so much. I almost feel like if i give in and just go ahead and message her back that it makes me feel better that i dont have to accept the fact that she can go on with her life without me.... she already has for YEARS. so hurt by this

    Comment by Mommy103110 (original poster) at 12:03 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

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