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Do you think PPD had to do with it?

When I had my first daughter 4 years ago, I had a very traumatic birthing experience, and severe postpartum depression...but it took almost a year, as well as the near dissolution of my marriage, for me to recognize the PPD. I got myself back on track with exercise, activity, and the help of my husband, and we had our second child 2 years ago.

My relationship with my oldest has always felt different, but I never really noticed HOW different until I had a second kid. I am not as touchy feely with my 4yo (she's not either), we clash a lot, and while I love her to death, she gets on my nerves so much more than her sister. I honestly, honestly feel like it's because of the PPD back then - I had no interest in bonding with her when she was a baby, I was just a robot, taking care of her needs. I've always felt that we're just missing one of those bonds - and I don't know how to get it back, if at all. :/

Let me reiterate that I LOVE MY DAUGHTER 110%....I just wish I had the desire to grab her and snuggle her evey ten seconds like I feel for my younger daughter. I try to dole out my affection evenly; it's incredibly important to me that neither of them ever feel left out or favored. But I don't know that my feelings will ever completely match; there's a level of comfort and total security with my younger daughter that I just don't feel with the older one?

In your honest opinion, could the PPD have had anything to do with it, or am I just grasping at straws for an explanation that isn't there?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:03 PM on Jun. 4, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (3)
  • My husband and son never bonded either. Ds and I were in NY and dh was living in VA. We have all been in the same house now for 8 yrs and ds still tells dh to go back to the Navy. Though dh is closer to our girls, he does so ds love. Kisses him, even though ds wants nothing to do w/ it. Dh joined ds and his class on a day long field trip last week. Give your self time, maybe to a just you and her day. Try and make yourself snuggle w/ her. I wish you the best!

    Answer by threebrats at 9:12 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • It's not your fault, remember that. I also had PPD, it was really bad. I was very aware of my feelings ( I also have bipolar II so its a given). Even though I caught it early in almost a month old, I still feel bad about those first weeks. I, too, felt like a robot. I knew I loved her, but I just couldn't bond with her. I didn't miss her or anything until I checked myself into the hospital. Maybe you should also talk to someone too, it might help. Congrats on your new LO!

    Answer by alinachristen at 9:29 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Maybe it did in the beginning, but I am a firm believer in each child having their own distinct personalities, and some personalities you will get along better with than others.

    Answer by MomNtheRes at 11:40 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

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