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Does anyone else feel like they cheated by having to have c-section???

My child was Breach and So I couldn't deliver him the right way I feel deprived of how I was meant to give birth and embarrased that I had the c-setion like I cheated
Does anyone else feel that way?Just wondering if that is an unusual reaction.

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Asked by sawyersmom2007 at 12:15 AM on Dec. 10, 2008 in About CafeMom

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Answers (11)
  • MEEEE!!!!!!!!!! OMG everyone thinks I'ms sooo crazy, but I was so looking forward to hearing the "push!! push!! i can see the head! you're doing great!! etc etc...i didn't get any of that b/c I was borderline preeclamsic when I went to be induced. Don't get me wrong I'm glad my baby is healthy and stuff, but it saddens me that I will never get to really experience what my body is capable of.. I;m right there with you sister!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • Nope. Just think of it this way. Your who ha has thanked you and is not like all the moms who have delivered normally.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • i had twins so i'm thankfull i had a c-section. but when they told me i freaked out.

    Answer by lilybug524 at 1:02 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • My ds was born by emergency c-section. Now, I know it wasn't "reasonable" of me, but I felt somehow like I was defective, because I couldn't even deliver my baby the way nature intended me to. (I was way past my due date, they induced me, problems arose, he was c-section, so I didn't even go into labor on my own...)


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:36 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • cont

    He was 6 mos old when I got pg with my dd. I insisted on at least trying to have a v-bac. I delivered her vaginally. I'm glad I did, but not for the reasons that people might think. I'm glad because it was one of the things that helped to not just see with my head but know in my heart that it DIDN'T MATTER which way my baby was born - BOTH ways were "legit" birth experiences.
    BOTH ways resulted in my having my beautiful baby in my arms. And I am just as legitimately a mother to BOTH my kids, no matter what way they exited my body.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:37 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • cont

    Not to mention the fact that my c-section "baby" is now almost 16, and my v-bac "baby" is 14, and I still have the scar (and abdominal damage) from the c-section, where my body has completely healed from the v-bac, so believe me, it's not "cheating" or "taking the easy way out". And as for the immediate recovery, I had more complications after my c-section than my v-bac, and I had just as much pain with each of them, just one was about 6 inches higher up my body....

    Please don't think I shared this to slam on you for feeling this way or anything, I just wanted you to know that I understand, I felt the same way in a lot of ways, but that I see now that in the end, it doesn't matter how you do it.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:37 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • I do feel cheated. I feel like I was cheated by my doctor who used scare tactics on me to get me to agree to a c-section, and by myself for agreeing to it and not giving my body the chance to do it's job in it's own time. There is nothing wrong with feeling cheated, and you can't control how you feel anyway. If or when you have more children you can have a vbac, not that it will take away the feeling of being cheated with your first baby, but it will give you more peace with it. If you have these feelings, then obviously it's important to you to have a vaginal birth. Don't let anyone tell you those feelings are unjustified.

    Answer by Daynaof3 at 10:46 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • Your feelings are completely justified. You need to forgive yourself - I KNOW that is hard. You made the decision you felt was best for your baby. The key is to (when you are ready) start your research and educate yourself on VBAC and natural birth. Your body is NOT broken. Babies were meant to come out of our vaginas, not stomachs. Your tummy will thank you for not having a repeat c-section. I'm 5 weeks PP from my all natural vbac. It has been THE most beautiful, wonderful, satisfying experience of my life. And that isn't even referring to recovery, which has also been amazing and FAST. It DOES matter how Baby was born. You CAN Vbac, but it will require a lot of research and determination on your part. You CAN have the birth you desire and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

    Answer by TheBodyShopMom at 1:00 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • I definitely felt that way!! Except that I went through about a day of labor before proceeding to a c-section (I had pre-eclampsia), so I sort of felt like I'd walked out of a movie half way through... and didn't get the full experience.
    My second was a homebirth VBAC, and it was amazing! I had so many feelings of doubt and low self esteem because of that cesarean, and having that VBAC really changed things. I'm a stronger person because of it. I just *feel* like a better mother than I was, because I'm healthy, happy and confident.
    C-sections are good for some people, but I'm not one of them. I can't have surgery and feel good about it.

    Answer by Danotoyou2 at 4:02 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • Your feelings are normal! I thought I was the only one who was crazy enough to put my feelings first after hearing everyone around me say "at least you have a healthy baby!" even worse were the ones who would say "just think, 400 years ago, you and your baby would not have made it, thanks to c-sections, you're both still here!" like, gee thanks, I really wanted to know that the csection I hate so much "saved" my life, when in fact, it only made it that much more complicated. I was dead-set on breastfeeding, WELL, the csection really affected how easily that came about, not to mention that I did not get to see my child until four hours after he was taken from me. To this day, I can never really say "I gave birth" because I didn't, I was robbed of the chance to. My son is over a year and I still struggle with feelings about my csection, my scar is still numb, the skin is still thick, and I have stabbing pains OFTEN.

    Answer by ayx17 at 9:04 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

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