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Am **I** crazy or should he want to participate?

every time i ask my DH for help either with the house or with our dd he either gets mad and throws a fit and takes forever to do it or he says ya sure whatever then ignores me and does nothing. For example the most interaction he has with our 21 month old daughter is maybe at the most changing 1 wet diaper once a day or giving her kisses goodnight. he wont help feed her or put her to bed or clean up after her or anything. and if i ask him for help its a major thing and he is almost incapable. Granted i know he works and i am a sahm but i do EVERYTHING for her EVERYDAY ALL DAY. have since she was born. its too inconveniant for him to help. I have tried to talk to him about it and he always says he will try more and never does. then he gets upset if she doesnt choose him over me if she gets hurt or anything and its like what does he expect? he never has anything to do with her. i cant even leave her with him while i go to the store cuz she isnt comfortable with him and screams the whole time then he gets upset and blows up and yells at her for crying. Am i crazy? am i asking to much to ask for a little help? any tips on what could help or maybe anything i could do to get less irritated when he refuses to help with absolutely anything at all? I know i shouldnt let it bother me so much but im also 29 weeks pregnant and get super tired very easily and have a shorter fuse than normal. any advice would help. Please and thank you!!!!!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:18 AM on Jun. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • for a week dont do laundry dont pick up messes dont cook, see how he feels then

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Why on earth would you have another child with this man? Can you go live with your parent or a friend? That guy is toxic for you, but more importantly for your children. Time to stand up for your babies and get out of there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Try to take her to the park with him or go for a walk,let him push the stroller or the baby swing at the park. Talk to him and while u r there let him hold her and have her go to him for things,u need a break. But,u need to remember that he works all day and he is tired. Let him take over for u on a day he does not work and let her get used to going to him as much as she goes to u. If she comes tell her to go to Daddy.

    Answer by dancer at 12:26 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • not trying to be negative at all but LEAVE!! There is plenty of help for single moms and that is basically how he is treating you, my ex did the same thing and he finally got so ''irritated'' he beat me up and left me stranded with nothing. At least start looking for places to go or some help or you could end up the same way...

    Answer by ladybugky88 at 12:27 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • to the 2nd anonymous writer.... when we had decided we wanted another child he started helping a little more to.... i dunno.... supposedly prove..... he could be more helpful???? i thought he actually meant it. and no i have nowhere i can go. My daughter loves him so much and i do too... and to the 1st i have done that before. he got mad and did his bare minimum laundry that he needed done and just lived off of cups of noodles. And messes drive me bonkers so its hard to just let them sit...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:29 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Seems he is pretty insensative. Tell him to spend more time with your daughter so you can get more things done around the house and so she can get used to being around him more. It takes two to make it work. Its give and take. He has to own up and take on more responsibilty. He works. That's fine. But he's got a daughter and another one on the way. Time to man up and help. Babies aren't easy as he should know when she screams when he's alone with her. Now times that by how many times she screams when she's with you all day everyday. When she's sick or just having a tantrum. She will stop acting out with him if he stays with her more often.

    Answer by DDWay at 12:34 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • He needs to step up and be a man, and no one better than you to give him a need to deal with this now before your second child comes! He can only be this way if you allow him to, I stayed at home and my husband worked, manual hard work too, never once did he take that as an excuse to be uninvolved with his daughter when he came home, thats a weak excuse if you ask me, he made the children too and he should do his share, being a stay at home Mom is a job and an often thankless one at that, he needs to know when to lighten your load and help out, however as long as you put up with it and it happen, things will not change. He better man up.

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 1:36 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • First, at 21mos, the kids are still very attached to mom. My son just recently (3yo) started saying goodbye to me when he would go somewhere with dad. Dad loves it! He's almost potty trained, he's verbal, he can be away from me for a long period of time. In other words, SO can enjoy his company. This is very normal.

    As for helping out around the house, you need to divide the chores around the house and be ok if they are not done exactly how you do it. That's the thing with getting men to help out. If they don't do it our way, we end up doing it ourselves. You need to allow him to take more responsibilities. And when he does do something (his own way) Thank him. He's just waiting for you to say, Oh I'll do it so that he no longer has to!

    Answer by Vero0724 at 1:57 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Time for him to get off his lazy ass and start doing his fair share of parenting and housework! I'd tell him that he had better 'man-up' and start now, cause he WILL be helping out and doing his fair share .when baby #2 is born. I would remind him that we BOTH live in the house, so we are BOTH responsible for household duties. We BOTH made the children, we are BOTH responsible for parenting them. If he won't get off his lazy ass and be a 'dad' and help around the house---then kick his sorry ass to the curb!

    Answer by MizLee at 2:00 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Go on strike. As soon as he gets home, go out. Leave your child with him. I don't like that he screams around the baby either, but you need to make a point. Don't clean and don't make dinner. Make him ask you for help. When he does react as he has done. When he blows up, blow harder. Take a stand and hold that line. That man of yours needs to grow up and quick! If tough love doesn't work, than you've tried and maybe should consider stepping out of the relationship for awhile, so you can both get some perspective.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 11:45 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

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