My husband has some issues that stem from his childhood and his upbringing. In the 10 years we've been together I have tried and tried to put them in perspective. I am tired. I love him and he is awesome to me but he has so many "issues" that I can't seem to help him overcome, at what point do I stop mothering him? Here are a few examples:
1. He lost his job of 11 years for using his company credit card for personal items we couldn't afford.
(His mother has filed bankruptcy twice and continues to spend money on things she can NOT afford to keep up with people around her so this is a HUGE one that I struggle with)
2. He doesn't seem to grasp that he threw away that job and when he struggled to find another at the same pay rate he sank in to a deep depression and when he did find one that paid VERY well if not as well as his previously thrown away career he felt he was "above it" and didn't give it a try.
3. Because of his inability to NOT impulse spend we are constantly struggling financially and at 33 and 34 respectfully are facing bankruptcy and losing our rental home.
4. His mother had a tendency to ship him off to his grandmother's house when she didn't feel like parenting him and he has had a really difficult time bonding with and parenting our oldest while he has a wonderful relationship with our youngest.
5. His mom and grandma were super manipulative and lied to him about and around each other. He is not always honest with me and even when I catch him being dishonest he'll still lie and I've handed him proof more than once.
6. Everything he does is for a selfish reason. e.g. he coaches my son's sports teams because he wants to be with his buddies and he's been known to go to practice when our son is sick and has to stay home.
7. He has caused a lot of tension between myself and my family because my family is not used to someone with his issues and his upbringing and while they can see what I can see in that he was raised this way and can't help it, it is hard for them to watch us totally fall on our asses constantly due to his inability to make selfless choices and due to his impulsive behavior.
8. My parents helped us with the initial expense to get in to our current home after a real estate deal went bad (not his fault this time) and he has done nothing but complain and has never one time said thank you to them or expressed any kind of gratitude. It's not the first time they've had to help us financially and he's never thanked them, not once.
We don't do divorce in my family. It's just not something we do and I've been divorced once. I apparently have an ingrained ability to choose spouses who are selfish and have deep issues. Is this my fault? If nothing else, in my first marriage I learned you can't change someone and you can't help them if they don't want to be helped and if they are selfish when you're dating they aren't going to suddenly be less selfish no matter how much your parents invested in your wedding and how trapped you felt walking down that aisle. But this time I went in with my eyes wide open and I say again, I am tired.
Asked by Anonymous at 2:28 AM on Jun. 5, 2011 in Relationships
Answer by DomoniqueWS at 2:43 AM on Jun. 5, 2011
Answer by Syphon at 7:21 AM on Jun. 5, 2011
Your family doesn't "do" divorce. WoW. Anyway, you either tolerate him or not. If you are tired of his behaviors then leave,,oh wait, you don't 'do' divorce. Then the answer is simply - doesn't sound like you have any options. you can't change him and you can't leave him. So you stay with him and deal with life like he is.
Answer by meooma at 9:49 AM on Jun. 5, 2011
Answer by mkdirector2011 at 9:52 AM on Jun. 5, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 AM on Jun. 5, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 AM on Jun. 5, 2011
Answer by Ms.Gwen at 10:55 AM on Jun. 5, 2011