Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How many of you have adult -age children living w/ you, but...

b/c they are hardly ever home due to work, school &/or their social life, they dont contribute or help out much & dont feel the need to since they're "never home"? How do you handle this?

 
mrsmom110

Asked by mrsmom110 at 10:11 AM on Jun. 5, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 48 (282,929 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I have my 23 year old son who works nights and sleep days, he does contribute, doing dishes and his own laundry, plus odd and ends jobs for his grandma, and us.
    older

    Answer by older at 10:14 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • I had one home for awhile. We would have charged rent if he was here permanently, but it was a temporary situation while he found work and an apartment. He agreed he would have paid rent if it went beyond 6 months. If it is a permanent situation they should be paying rent. No one lives free anywhere. Even if you didn't need the rent and saved it for them or something they need to be responsible and the adults they want to be known as.
    whitepeppers

    Answer by whitepeppers at 10:40 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • My 19 year old is welcome to stay as long as she is doing well in college, working and generally acting responsible. She can stay until she gets married, if she wants to.
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 10:42 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • If they are not contributing to the everyday up keep of the house, then they can move or pay rent.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 4:02 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • I have 2 at home who work and go to school. I'm to the point where I just want to pack up and get as far away as possible.
    I'm tired of wondering if they will be home for dinner or will be wanting to go to Sunday breakfast with us. I'm tired of my son leaving the house at all hours and them not finishing their laundry when they start it. I'm tired of my daughter going to that no-good cheating boyfriends house every Sat and Sunday (even though it's an hour away) and never doing things with us or even me as we used to.
    She used to text me but now she texts him, his sister and HIS mother all day. She has another year of school and my son probably has 2. He already has $20,000 in loans for school and I know they couldn't live on their own. I don't want my daughter moving in with Mr no good so I won't tell her she has to get out. I'm just going to stop thinking of them. Cook for dh and I and remind them of the rules we have
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 8:47 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • I can relate. My son lives with me and is gone most of the time. Sometimes there are advantages, like I don't have to worry about fixing dinner often. But generally I need to ask him at least once a day to do something to help me. He goes to college so I want to support that in every way and I'm not working, so i have time. But I do think these kids need to appreciate the free rent, food, etc. and give back somewhere.
    home12

    Answer by home12 at 10:01 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • My 24yo just moved back home 2 weeks ago and will be with us until August after a room mate issue and he pays $200 a month for food & for the extra cable box we had to get added for his bedroom (he offered, we didn't ask) and he does help out....sets the table, unloads/loads the dishwasher, lets the dogs out, keeps his room clean and does his own laundry. We also have our 19yo still at home as he attends college in another state and comes home on school breaks. He does a little more than his brother does...mows the lawn, keeps his bathroom clean, keeps his room clean, does his own laundry, does the dishes, lets the dogs out and helps with basic housework. He doesn't pay rent because he only works during summer break and he has to pay for a personal trainer since he plays college football, pays his cell phone bill & car insurance and puts anything left over straight in to savings for spending/bill money during the school year.
    tracylynnr67

    Answer by tracylynnr67 at 12:08 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • yes i have two of them, girl 19 youngboy 21/ he is hardly at home, but he still lives here, he comes home to sleep, his stuff is here, i know that when he is here he eats,ect, ect... keep in mind that i said that he hardly is here, but when he is, he is. there for he helps with money. so yes he/they should help out.
    grandma-lety

    Answer by grandma-lety at 5:53 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I had all 5 home last summer. Last summer they were 21, 18, 16, 10, and 5 lol. I just asked them to pick up after themselves. Now the older two have moved out and in together so its ok. My soon to be 18 yr old doesnt contribute much at all but I dont expect him to. He goes to school, works, goes to church, does missionary work, and is a good kid. Me having to do his little bit of laundry and wash a couple dishes for him is no big deal. As long as he is on the right track I am willing to help and pick up his slack.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:14 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • ochsamom: but does your 19 y/o dau help you out around the house, take care of her messes &/or contribute in some way? I've (we've) been feeling a bit used lately- like this is his personal hotel & we are the maid service. It's ok for him to ask for favors & have access to full cupboards & fridge & all the other amenities a family home provides, but let us ask for a hand w/ a chore or 2 & we've asked for a limb!
    mrsmom110

    Comment by mrsmom110 (original poster) at 12:41 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN