Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I have four birth children and thinking of adopting a child........

What kind of issues should I expect when adopting an older child with birth children in the home too? My kids are 13, 11, 9 & 4. I thinking about a boy about
5-8 but open. Been thinking about adoption for many years, but now feels right.
We are just getting started in the process now.

Just want to hear from anyone who has done this.
thank

Answer Question
 
monkeymama24

Asked by monkeymama24 at 2:04 AM on Dec. 10, 2008 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I have two birth kids. I want to adopt myself. I noticed you have not had any responses. I wish you had. Well I will tell you I don't think it will be much of an issue unless you were bringing in a teenager. He will have some problems but it may be through the 13 & 11 year olds because they are practically teens. I will only be normal sibling rivalry.
    Godswk

    Answer by Godswk at 2:33 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • I'll let someone else give you the details but I'm pretty sure that there's recommended ages to take in from foster care depending on the age of your birthchildren. I'm sure your local DCFS will have information on it :)
    lillie023

    Answer by lillie023 at 3:28 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • My son was not adopted out of foster care but, he was passed around to whoever would take him from birth to 3 years old. My husband was denied contact and the child's mom's family still treats my husband rudely. He has custody now and I am going to be adopting him soon. From being passed around so much and never having a primary person to care for him he has Reactive Attachment Disorder. He is only 4 so, he is recovering quickly and learning that he is worth having a mom and a dad. This has been a trip for my kids too they are 2, 3, 6 but, they have come to love their brother and he is fitting in. It used to be common in foster children because they were passed around a lot but, nowadays they try to keep the kids in a semi-permanent home until they are adopted.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:50 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • So you really don't see RAD in foster children too much unless they were treated like my son in their birth homes. To me, my experience is not a reason to not adopt an older child because they can still lead healthy lives it is just a warning of what to expect and as soon as you get a child that you intend to adopt get them in counseling. Because if I would have been able to get my son in counseling sooner his problems would not have gotten so bad. With all of this my husband and I still want to adopt but, after seeing that we can handle much more than we thought we could handle when our kids are a little bit older we want to adopt a special needs toddler. Your kids will have to be supportive of you and the child and you will have to give them special times when they can talk to you about what they are feeling and be ready to put them in counseling also if you feel they need it.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:50 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • You'll do great! All of my kids are always excited when we are adopting again. RAD is a risk, but out of the 8 we've already adopted only one is severe RAD. Research it and watch for the behaviors in the profiles that they send you. There are so many children waiting and they are so lovable. If you want a group for info and support Touched by Adoption is a great group here on Cafemom.
    mommy9

    Answer by mommy9 at 10:12 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • I have 4 biological children, 3 adopted & 1 still in foster care = 8 total. To me it's no big deal My age ranges are 20, 17, 15, 12, (all those are bio) 6, 5, 4 ( adopted ) 17 month - foster - 4 of the 8 are in wheelchairs. 4 of the 8 came from CPS. 2 of the 8 are from the Marshal Islands and english is a 2ns language. Go for it ! Iting ywill be the best th
    danielle808

    Answer by danielle808 at 4:40 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • I think as long as you keep things in perspective and look at it realistically, you'll be ok. Remember that these children come with baggage. You'll have to help them heal and sometimes that can take years. You can't bring a child that's been abused into your home and expect all of their past to disappear and them to be grateful and happy. As long as you realize this, you'll do just fine. There are so many children out there that deserve loving, safe homes. Good luck!!! And like mommy9 said, come on over to Touched By Adoption! We'd love to have you there!
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 10:55 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • I HAVE 4 KIDS AND IM WORKING ON ADOPTING AND I WOULD NOT TURN BACK IT IS HARD BUT WE MAKE THROUGH IT WITH OUR OWN AND WE CAN DO IT WITH OTHERS THEY ARE YOURS AS WELL THEY DO HAVE PROBEMS GETTING ATTACHED WHEN THEY ARE OLDER OR THEY GET TOO ATTACHED ONE OR THE OTHER ITS NOT THAT HATD BUT I WOULD NOT GO OLDER THAN YOUR OLDEST THEY ARE THE BIG ONE THAT HELPS AND NEED TO KEEP THAT ROLE
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN