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How do I keep from blowing my stack when my DF angers me, but I don't fight because he's seriously ill?

My fiance' has an incurable disease. Stress is very hard on him. Because of this, many rules of being in a relationship are different for us. Under normal circumstances we would no doubt have many disagreements as we learn to live with one another and adjust to our very different personalities. We do not have the luxury of normalcy. I love him deeply. He's a man of strong character and values. I respect him. I want to protect him from unnecessary drama. Therefore , I make the conscious and frequent desicion to "suck it up" a lot more than I would otherwise. That doesn't mean that I never voice how I feel, I just feel guilty when I do sometimes.  By the way, he loves me as much as I do him.

If you've been in a similar situation or are familiar with this type of relationship, how would you suggest I cope? Please remember this is a highly sensitive and difficult situation for me and I would appreciate only thoughtful, considerate , and positive comments. Thank you.

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LoveHerDad

Asked by LoveHerDad at 1:17 PM on Jun. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Level 8 (217 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I don't have have any time right now to give you a good answer, but am leaving a post, so I can come back later.

    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 1:25 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Try a support group...chances are there is one out there for friends and family members of people with whatever he has. it may help to get some insight from people who deal with the same things you do. Maybe even individual counseling for you to get your feelings out to someone.

    happymama02

    Answer by happymama02 at 1:26 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • This is very tough, I can honestly only suggest on ething and that is that you part ways. I know that you may love him but the problem with this if you are carrying the burden and stress then you may end up resenting him making you bitter and or unhappy. Its not fair that you should have to hold everything in simply because of somthing that is out of your control. If I were you I would part ways and just be a great friend to him, that way you wouldnt be subject to putting his needs before yours at all times! Good luck!
    momofcac

    Answer by momofcac at 1:28 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • i wouldn't marry him until i figured out the answer that suits you best to this question
    also, i would try not to let him know that you are factoring his illness so much into it.
    my mom is bipolar....she would ALWAYS say her behavior was because of her illness but it still drove us crazy
    luckily, my parents are still together somehow.
    or MAYBE his disease has nothing to do with his behavior, and you don't want to discuss what bothers you since life is short.
    what's the illness? that can help us answer more specifically
    lizzybee44

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 1:34 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • I think that what you are doing for your SO is very brave and loving of you. You need to have someone/where that you can vent your frustrations and let off some steam. Normally when I am angry I can just complain and vent with my husband, but in your case you need a close friend who understands that you just need to a sounding board to help you get through your anger. After you have gotten over the emotional/angry stuff you can go to your husband with a level head and discuss a situation without creating drama or unnecessary stress.
    I sometimes do this with my friends when I know my hormones are getting the best of me and my husband is already under stress from work. It keeps us from getting in an stupid fight.
    I think finding a support group with similar wives is a great idea, or just find a friend on cafemom or in your community that is willing to listen and be there for the venting sessions.
    tobys.mommy

    Answer by tobys.mommy at 1:42 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Have you tried counseling?
    No one's sick in my house but I have learned to just bite my tongue and choose my battles wisely. It takes time and effort and hard work IMO. But, take a deep breath, leave the room if possible, and say to yourself is this something worth arguinig over? In 5 years will this be a big deal? If you answer no then calm down and move on. It's what I've done to help me. I hope it helps you!
    marine_wife0520

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 2:42 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

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