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2 Bumps

My 19 year old daughter is pregnant and my husband, her stepdad doesnt want her living with us. what do i do?

My 19 year old daughter from a previous marriage recently came back to live with my husband and I (her step-dad). I've been with my husband 6 yrs now and we dont ever argue except when it comes to her. She has been in and out of jail a few times and back and forth in our home during it. He agreed to let me give her one last chance, but now shes pregnant.. the father is not in the picture. There is no way she can do this without me, but he is not willing to deal with another baby. We have a 2 year old and are in our 40's. She has no where else to go.
any suggestions?? its tearing me apart

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grandma2b562

Asked by grandma2b562 at 4:34 PM on Jun. 5, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (16 Credits)
Answers (35)
  • Tell your husband to suck it up and live with it--she is your daughter and she has nowhere else to go. She is carrying your grandchild. You can't abandon her and your grandbaby in their greatest need. Tell him firmly to get over it!!
    blackisbetter

    Answer by blackisbetter at 4:36 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • How I see it, is that your children come before spouse espeically since his her stepdad. She's pregnant, where would a pregnant teen go? You've already said she can't do it. Be there for her, being pregnant might change her ways and keep her out of jail.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:37 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Umm put your daughter before your ex and your husband and help her out as much as possible. If they don't like it, they can find themselves another place to live. You shouldn't give up on your child just because they make mistakes...even life-altering huge ones like this.
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 4:37 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Your kids should come before any and all men. Period. That being said, I would sit your daughter down, and lay some ground rules out helping pay for things, your NOT a live in babysitter, etc...
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 4:38 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Talk with DH and agree on a time line. By (date after the baby is born-maybe 4-6 months more than enough time to get things in place) she will be living on her own. You will help her get everything organized but she will need to work to make it happen. If she feels she can not meet this dead line then she needs to consider adoption. No you should not have to raise you child's child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:38 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Honestly? She is YOUR daughter. He IS going to look at her differently and be sterner. And Its your decision. I would say let her stay but on the condition that if she screws it up then she is out but YOU have to be personally ok with that too (and WILLING to follow through with the consequence) I know someone who got pregnant on birth control, condoms and spermicide. YEAH. It happens. It sounds like she probably wasnt using any but you never know.
    shortycmlb

    Answer by shortycmlb at 4:39 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Well your husband agreed to give her one last chance & I don't quite see how getting pregnant is bad (as in that it's along the lines of her past - prison) but at the end of the day she IS your daughter & a parents love is supposed to be unconditional so if you want her to stay & you want to help her then your husband will just have to deal with it.
    Good luck:)
    Ellie15

    Answer by Ellie15 at 4:39 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • I totally agree that my kids come first. However, I also have 2 step sons and my 2 year old daughter to think about.
    My daughter that is pregnant has caused so much drama in our house it affects them also.
    If we end up divorced over this, then the other 3 will be damaged by that too. I fee like whatever i choose is wrong.
    I have already told him i am helping her, but any time i do anything for her I get lectured on how she should be doing it herself. She is trying to find a job ect.. but in the meantime there are things she needs and if i dont help her who will? He doesnt get that
    grandma2b562

    Comment by grandma2b562 (original poster) at 4:41 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • oh yeah..and also.. i am the only one working right now! we can barely afford the kids we have already!
    grandma2b562

    Comment by grandma2b562 (original poster) at 4:45 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • WEll if your dd is a drama queen than just be her moral support. You don't have to let her move in with her, but help her out with finding a job, going back to school, groceries or whatever she needs. She's an adult, she needs to learn to take care of herself and not get herself into pickles like this one.
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 4:47 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

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