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2 Bumps

Would you allow your 18yo high school graduate dd

to go to visit her boyfriend (of almost 2 years), who is in the Army, in another state (you live on the East Coast and he's in WA state) for a weekend before she leaves for college at the end of June? You know that even though he has leave in July he won't be able to see her because she'll be 8 hours away at orientation for school (which you are not paying for at all) so they won't see each other again until he can get leave again in Dec. (they last saw each other in Feb.). Would you let her go w/no major obstacles, put rules attached to her going or forbid her to go all together?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:42 AM on Jun. 6, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Their daughter is going to sew some wild oats when she goes off to school. There is being a responsible parent and then there is being a controlling parent.
    Kudos to your son for jumping through all their hoops just to continue to be with this girl.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 3:34 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • Can you really forbid an 18 yr old from doing something???? If she wanted to go I would let her go...especially since she's been with him for awhile and this will be her last chance to see him for a long time...why would you even WANT to stop her?
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 4:45 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • As much as I understand your concern, I have to say the following:


    She is 18, she is an adult and is about to enter the world as an adult. In all reality you cannot forbid or force. She needs to start exploring the world on her own, while making and learning from her own mistakes and experiences. She could have definitely chose someone worse than a boy who has chosen to serve his country.

    MamaSunshyne

    Answer by MamaSunshyne at 4:49 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • Technically she doesnt have to listen to a thing you say, unless she is living in your home under your rules. I don't see any problem with it myself. Make sure they are being safe and all that and tell her to have fun before she has to bunker down for school.
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 4:50 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • She's 18 - let her go. She has to make her own mistakes and acomplishments now
    shareleann

    Answer by shareleann at 5:07 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • She is an adult so I would let her go. I understand the fear that comes with letting her go although she is going to be leaving for college soon and she will be starting a whole new adventure. It sounds like she has a great head on her shoulders and that you have raised her well. I would let her go and just tell her what you think before she leaves. I would say something like this "I understand you are an adult and although I would prefer you to not have sex until you are married I understand that you will make your own decisions. If you choose to do that please make sure you are careful and protected." That is just me, Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:16 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • You have to trust that you taught her to make good decisions. It's now out of your hands. She will decide whether to follow your teachings or not. I wouldn't want my daughter to do it either, but she will be away at college, what do you think those other kids are doing? I live in an area that holds spring break, I see what they are doing. Just because she is going to see him doesn't mean anything will happen. Just keep her in your prayers and keep the lines of communication open. If she does wrong, be there for her, not to bail her out of her troubles, but to help her deal with them with a little guidance. It's ok to tell her you disagree, but tell her it is her decision. She will know that you don't like what she is doing, but she will also know you can count on her and not judge her for making a mistake.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 10:22 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • i would be kinda nervous about her getting pregnant from the visit but there is nothing you can do, she's 18. if you go out of your way to stop her she might resent you.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 4:54 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • Lucky209....that is my question often these days. My son's girlfriend is her class Valedictorian, she got a full scholarship to an IVY LEAGUE school, she is NOT a dumb girl by any means and my son treats her like she is made of glass and gold. He was in basic training and made sure that she rec'd 3 dozen long stem roses, delivered to her at school, on their 1 year anniversary and he remembers every important thing and genuinely cares about her. He doesn't want ANYTHING to come in the way of her education (to the point that they have agreed on abstaining from sex until she finishes school), her education is #1 to him. Her parents have done everything since he joined the Army to break them up. It's very frustrating. Their daughter has NO freedom and her friends, my son and my husband & I worry that she will either A) flounder in school because she's not used to being independent or B) go Spring Break Wild....but w/out SB.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:56 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I'd let her go. You can be hard nosed and threaten to kick her out but you really can't forbid it. She is of age where she can do anything she wants if it is feasible to her.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 1:59 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

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