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Five (5)yr old at Memorial Service?

My grandfather died and my brother intends to bring his hyperactive, whiny 5yr old to the service. I feel this is inappropriate. Not only because my nephew didn't even know his great-grandfather, but the child is much too young to understand. The service will be huge, with family and friends coming from all over the country to attend.
I have spent a great deal of time around my nephew and my brother can't even take his son into the grocery store without a scene.
How do I tactfully explain to my brother that his son shouldn't be there? or do I just ignore the screaming, crying antics of my nephew as he shatters the quiet in the church?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Dec. 10, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • I can't think of a way to approach this that isn't just going to offend your brother and add to an already stressful situation.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 10:17 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • My Great-Grandmother just passed away last month and I took my 5 year old and 2 year old to the service. Will there be other kids coming? I would assume so. What we did was hired a woman to watch the kids in one of the preschool rooms in the church during the service. The kids all attended the wake the night before and got to say goodbye. My kids did end up sitting through the service and did very well then I dropped them off in the daycare room when we went to the grave yard since it was freezing outside with snow in Michigan lol. All of the other kids were in the daycare through the whole service though.
    TilmannsGirl

    Answer by TilmannsGirl at 10:23 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • I also think it isn't your place to tell your brother whether or not to bring his son. What I suggested would be a win/win.
    TilmannsGirl

    Answer by TilmannsGirl at 10:25 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • My kids come to any funerals we go to. Our family would be highly offended if I didn't bring them. My oldest was at her first memorial service at 8 weeks old (when my mom died). Her 2nd was at 2 1/2 when my fil died. All the kids were there and my husband's cousin's kids were all over the place but that's just them. We accepted that they behaved like that because they were 4 and 5 and always like that. (my kids who were 2, 18 months and 5 months were angels).
    I don't believe in excluding kids from family functions and I don't hide death from them.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 10:57 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • I don't think the issue is hiding death.

    I think the issue is a shrieking kid.

    I vote for the NO on the shrieking kid.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 11:02 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • It's bad enough for adults to have to go and endure this kind of stuff, I don't understand why someone would want to bring their misbehaving child to one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • I personally don't think that's a place for small children. Dh and I got into a fight about that a few months ago when his uncle passed away. I didn't want to take the kids and he did. We tried sitting through the service, but they kept talking, were kind of loud and I felt horrible for the people around us. I ended up having to take them out. Luckily there was a day care room with toys. Maybe you could see if there is something like that and just let your brother know about it before the service. And hope he takes the hint. I'm sorry for your loss.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • My father died a year ago, I hesitated about bringing my 4 year old daughter to the wake and funeral but i decided to bring her anyway, She cried for awhile and made noise but that didn't bother anyone. Children have to learn about life and death. It's just reality. I been to plenty of funeral where there was children. this is a chance for your nephew to get to meet his other family members.
    mommybeanz

    Answer by mommybeanz at 12:54 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • The first funeral/wake I attended was when I was 18...my maternal grandmother's!

    My 9 year old cousin also attended, and she was so obnoxious--couldn't sit still, ran around the funeral parlor, even knocked over some flower sprays! My grandfather was disgusted (it was his son's daughter).

    If you MUST take a young child (I really don't see the point, but that's just my opinion), I would take them BEFORE or AFTER the regular wake hours...when there aren't so many people. They can say goodbye, ask their questions, and be gone before it becomes a disruption/distraction.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 1:33 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • LoriKeet - love that idea.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 3:14 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

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