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Why is okay to be a deadbeat?

I wrote a post last night, about getting sole custody of my children - from father who has not contacted or paid child support in two years.
This isnlt considered abandoment?
Would it be okay if I just left my kids for two years maybe come back and be exepect the same parental rights.
Then why should he?
Why to laws (so I'm told) say its okay for the deadbeat parent to act like this?
Does anyone think it is in the best interest of the child to not have a father in their lives.
One that has abandonded them.
As stated myself nor my parents have moved & our phone numbers all the same. My employer is the same.
There is no reason for the father to have have contacted his children besides the fact that he's abandonded them!


Asked by Anonymous at 7:38 AM on Jun. 6, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I agree, this has been my beef for many years. If you don't provide their needs, they are being neglected and you go to jail and the kids are taken away. If the non-custodial parent does it, then you have to start legal proceedings and when they finally get around to doing something, they have to pony up some cash, but no neglect charges.

    Answer by attap5 at 9:54 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • You need to seek legal counsel as soon as possible. In some states abandonment is one year with no contact. Good luck.

    Answer by meooma at 8:05 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • There are abandonment laws in many areas, but they seem to be used more for moms than for dads, at least here. If a dad abandons his kids it's bad but not punished other than child support (which isn't even a punishment, it's making him take responsibility for his actions in creating a child). But, if a mom were to do the same, she's slapped with charges. For example, my BIL and his wife are getting custody of one of three of their grandchildren. Their son and his wife are divorced and the son has little to nothing to do with the kids and has not paid a dime of child support since he "doesn't see the kids". The children's mom is at her wit's end and asked my BIL and his wife to take the kids for a while so she could get on her feet and take care of them. They agreed, but are suing her for child support (not their son, of course) and the mom is going to jail for abandonment for leaving the kids with grandparents.

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:29 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • It is "NOT" okay to be a deabeat dad.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 7:42 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • (cont)
    It is not ok to be a deadbeat but believe me, itll bite him on the ass later. Kids grow up, have more kids, then they want to be around. Then the kids dont want them. Let it go hon. In the end he will get his while you are at weddings, grandbaby births and all of that he is going to be left out. No money can buy that.

    Answer by gemgem at 7:45 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I want to legealy protect them if something were to happen to me.
    Maybe I should just ask for legal custody?
    I never said id never let him see the kids or contact them.
    And I do not want him just showing up demanding visitation the do not know him anymore
    He is like a stranger to them

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:54 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • there are abandonment laws in some states, actually. i believe after a certain amount of time with no contact and no child support, they put out an ad for him in the paper and give him some time to respond. after such and such time with no response, they revoke his rights. however this is only in some states, i live in florida and we don't have such laws. contact a lawyer to find out if your state has it.

    Answer by tnm786 at 8:19 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • It's not okay but it is reality and by the way its not only dads...there are deadbeat moms too

    Answer by rinamomof2 at 8:33 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • depends on the state how long you can do w/o contact before they consider it abondonment... no being a deadbeat isnt okay - and you should find good replacement father figures (like your dad for example) who will be stable people in their lives - set up guardianship - so that if you pass - your children will go with the people who you want... there is certainly a double standard for moms and dads as far as this subject goes ...

    Answer by AmaliaD at 8:56 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I think you are right for wanting sole custody, in my oppinion mothers are the main caregivers and should autimatically have sole custody. I wouldn't change contact information which you stated you have not because i had an absent biological father and when i got older i had alot of unanswered questions, luckly my step- father which i called daddy raised me from 3 years old. Since your children's father is an absent father it wouldn't make a difference if you had sole custody other than the fact that you earned the title, anyone can be a father but it takes a man to be a daddy. I say go ahead with your decision, i wish you the best and goodluck, don't worry my mom was my mom and dad until my step dad came into my life.

    Answer by MommysAngels744 at 9:06 AM on Jun. 6, 2011