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2 Bumps

Please help.

so my husband and i have been married for just 2 years. we have been have issues pretty much since day 1. anyways. my husband has been gone at army basic training since april 18. its been tought without him but i thought maybe the army would be good for him, us. ive wrote him almost everyday, talk to him on sundays. an issue came up that i thought he would have some sympathy towards me since i knew he can really do anything about it. the issue was that his best friend bad mouthed me on my husbands facebook. pretty much saying i never let my husband talk to his friends and that i should as they have all been friends since before i was born. i told my husband and my husband stuck up for his friend not me. so out of frustration as this sticking up for wife has been and ongoing issue, i wrote y husband a letter explaining how i felt and that i needed some time to think about thing, break .i needed to not write letters call cuz i just needed time to think. i started counseling and everything. i didnt mean divorce or see other people. anyways. i sent the letter off. husband called me yesterday. he didnt recieved letter in mail. i told him i sent it off and said i was sorry. i sent it out of anger, but was ok calmed down and felt better talking to him. he jumped my shit. yelled at me said i was being stupid for sending it and he didnt want to talk to me. he said the letter meant something else. i asked if he thought i was cheating on him. and he said "well im not saying anything." i have never cheated on my husband or ever will. i dont like people that do. so he pretty much hung up on me. know i dont have a clue what to do....please help

Answer Question
 
racersmama2010

Asked by racersmama2010 at 12:01 PM on Jun. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • It looks like you need to give your husband some time and space to calm down. That's what you needed and now that's what he needs. As for writing the letter and sending it I don't think you were wrong. There must have been something in your heart that made you write and send that letter. If you need time to think then take that time to think. I know you love your husband but the two of you have been having problems since day one. Give yourself a break, remember why you fell and love. Hopefully then you'll have a better view and understanding of your marriage and relationship.
    As for you DH thinking that you are cheating, that probably has to do with him being so far away from you and not being able to be with you. Try to understand where it is that he is coming from.
    styhmMommy

    Answer by styhmMommy at 12:16 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I think you should apologize to your husband for acting out childishly and going on the defensive. Tell him you really just want to know why he feels you don't let him talk to his friends. Than I think you should listen without interjecting your thoughts or emotions. Give your relationship a chance and try to see things from his point of view. Once you've done that, tell him you understand and validate his feelings. Than explain your own. Don't show him how you feel by say ing hurtful things. Just tell him openly and honestly how his actions made you feel. Honest communication is the only way to make a marriage work. Good luck
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 12:52 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • his friend thinks i dont let him talk to them. not my husband. my husband said he doesnt talk to his friends because he doesnt want to. and i apoligized yesterday for sending the letter. and he said i was being stupid. i think that and him thinking im cheating is childish. not what i did.
    racersmama2010

    Comment by racersmama2010 (original poster) at 12:57 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I am not trying to be harsh here, but here is why what you did is childish: your husband is going thru basic training which is not an easy 9 weeks, he is being broken down and rebuilt, and his wife is complaining about facebook posts and sending letters trying to take a break from him to sort things out. Now is not the time. Put yourself in his shoes. No matter how he acts, I guarantee you that he is lonely, homesick, worrying about his wife while he is away and barely able to communicate. Not to mention trying to keep out of the line of fire of the drill sargents, and learn everything he has to learn. Cut him some slack, don't do anything to stir the pot or cause drama, and spend the rest of the time he is there being a loving and supportive wife. Not much is such a big deal that it can't wait until he is done. Be a source of love and comfort for him, not something else to stress over. This won't last forever. Good luck.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:30 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • So what this boils down to, is you're going to screw up your entire relationship over Facebook? Let's act like adults and not 13 year old schoolgirls. I'd say be pissed at the FRIEND. Your husband didn't write it, so why take it out on him?
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:13 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • shouldnt a husband be there to support a wife, have their backs. it was my husbands friend not mine. shouldnt he be able to have sympathy i wasnt asking him to leave basic trainging and come kick the guys ass. give me a break. i was asking him to have a little concern while hes away. and shouldnt he be able to handle stressful situations but still have to help out with concerns at home. wow thanks
    racersmama2010

    Comment by racersmama2010 (original poster) at 3:50 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

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