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2 Bumps

During a break up, would it bother you.....

Say, before you got married, you and your bf broke up alot, and twice during break ups he slept with someone else, random quickie kinda things with no foreplay and mostly clothed with girls he didnt know before and never saw again, would it bother you? especially if he waited 6 years and after marriage and kids to tell you?Other than this, our marriage is fantastic, but its sorta eating me alive and I dont think im handling it very well. How would you deal with it? I know he regrets it deeply, he is filled with so much regret and sorrow over it. And its not a *sorry I got caught* thing, he told me, because he was feeling so guilty. Dumbass should've kept it to himself.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:10 PM on Jun. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (25)
  • oh, and the break ups lasted a week at the longest. One was a few months in to the relationship-he was 16 when it happened. The other was a little over a year into it-he was 17 that time.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:14 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • He really should have kept them to himself....but he didn't do anything wrong. You were not together so it is his business. Telling you was just hurtful.
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 12:14 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • How do you know there was no foreplay and clothes were on?
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 12:14 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I agree, he should have kept it to himself, and I also let this sort of thing control my thoughts, and that's no good either.
    TXColter

    Answer by TXColter at 12:14 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I asked details. Which was stupid.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:16 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • hmmm it would bother me because i would want to know why he just jumped in the sack with these chicks so soon- but you know how men are, they actually have very fragile egos, when men get hurt the need that quick ego boost / they need to re-inflate their nut sacks- therefore he banged those chicks just to feel better. you should try to move on, he didn't love them. i know it will mess with your head for sometime because we women usually over think and over analyze. don't let this drive u nuts.. he is a good hubby so try to put this in a very tiny box waaaaay back in your memory bank.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 12:17 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • Yeah, I know that we were broken up, so he didnt technically cheat, but he also lead me to believe I was the ONLY person he'd EVER been with and I think that since we werent using protection that I should have a right to know if he DID sleep with someone else then a few days later turn around and sleep with me. He says he did use condoms though, because he didnt know them, and was didnt want to end up with a kid. So he tries to make that sound like a plus- "Hey, you are the ONLY person I've been with without a condom!" gee, thanks asshole.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:18 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I can and only will speak for myself..

    No it wouldn't bother me. Whatever happened before we were married has no affect on our marriage really. Unless of course one of us chooses to allow it to do so (which would be silly why choose to upset myself about such trivial crap really). Especially if it was something(s) that happened during times we were broken up, and things that happened when we were teenagers (to be fair being nearly 50, teen years seem a lifetime ago to me)..

    Also, there's no way I would ask or want to know the details of such incidents, knowing those would serve no purpose other than to embed images into my brain that I have no need for. If my husband began to share details, I would kindly ask him to keep those to himself. I would let him know that I had no need to hear them.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 12:20 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • And remember, he was 16. Maybe the reason he did it too was because he was hurting over the breakup and just did this with the available girls. As hard as it is to find out at this late date, it sounds like these hookups meant nothing. And most likely, he felt worse after the deed was done because they weren't you.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:23 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • And he says he doesnt remember why, the first time he was drunk, and she came on to him. The second time he was sober, and that girl came on to him too. He said its not like he was out looking for girls, he just had a moment of weakness. Its really a sick process dealing with this, I keep picturing what they must've looked like (both short and a little chubby, one blonde, one brunnette) and comparing myself. Im tall, thin, blonde hair with brown streaks.......does he wish I was thicker?or shorter? or different hair? they both had short hair...mine is long....ugh...like i said eating me alive
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:23 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

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