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My significant other is moving in and my 14 yr old daughter is upset, how do I make it easier

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cmlopez4

Asked by cmlopez4 at 1:33 PM on Jun. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Have him spoil her a little. Nothing makes a 14 tear old girl happier than material things....
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:34 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I really wouldn't do it if it upset her that much. Teenage girls are very fragile. She's only going to be at home a few more years.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 1:36 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • my step mother moved in when i was 15 and i really think that some time spent just her and i and some time just my dad and i would have really made a difference. not that i would blame this totally on her moving in but when i felt alone i spent time with my boyfriend and got pregnant at 16 so just be careful that your the one providing the attention she needs.

    takes_a_village

    Answer by takes_a_village at 1:40 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I agree with missanc, you need to put your daughter's needs before your own desires here.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 1:41 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I don't know, a lot goes into it. How long has he been your significant other? Are you engaged, or is there a reason you aren't married before he moves in? I'm not a prude but living together without children is different than living together with children in the home. Does your daughter not like your boyfriend, or is she worried she won't get to spend time with you? Does he try to parent her? By the time she is 14 she is much too used to how things have been done in the past, and already rebellious enough without adding someone in to discipline her who is not a parent, so I would say to be very clear on this from the beginning that he is not there to set her rules or enforce them, that is your job as her mother. But I think you should think long and hard about if this is good for your daughter. She may just be being a difficult teen, but she also may not need this upheaval in her life right now. Good luck to you both.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:42 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • Teenage girls are very fragile. This could put her over the edge and have her act out really badly. I got married when my daughter was 13. I thought all was well but she began acting out at 14 and is very resentful and angry with me. The good thing is, she adores my husband but it is ME that she is mean and resentful towards. It's not only the marriage but also the divorce when she was 10 and selling the house that was her only home at the same time. A lot of damage was done and now I'm struggling with lots of issues because of it. Just be prepared. There is no way to make it easier other than to spend time with her and listen to her but it is guaranteed to get much rockier. Good luck.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 1:44 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • We have been seeing each other for over 3 years and have lived together with her in NY, she is concerned I will be less available to her and thinks he will be my main focus, of course I have explained that would not be the case, just looking for suggestions on how to ease her concerns
    cmlopez4

    Comment by cmlopez4 (original poster) at 1:45 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I wouldn't do it. I was going to move a guy in until I found out he made a move on my 15 yr old when I was at work! She was more important to me so I kicked him to the curb
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • What happened when you lived together before? I would think that if she really didn't want him too, I would wait until she felt more comfortable with the situation. I think that your showing her a path that maybe you wouldn't want her to follow in. If you tried it once, and it didn't work out, why try it again?
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:52 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I would not do it, You are putting someone else ahead of her, that will stay with her forever.
    sweet11-12

    Answer by sweet11-12 at 1:59 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

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