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Kids with a big age gap ?

I am 30 years old, I have a 12 year old daughter and 9 year old son, and my husband and I have been together for 13 years... I am a really successful beautician here in our town.... we have a 3 bedroom house ( well technically 4 bedrooms but it is soo small that we have made that room into kind of like a big closet lol ) ...

My point is, lately I have constantly thinking about having another baby... When my kids were little I was a stay at home mom and I loved every big of it, but we only had 2, and then as soon as my youngest went to kindergarten, I went to beautician school. I really love the way our life is now and it feels like everything is perfect -- until now and I cant shake the baby feelings away.

Back then I always did have the 3rd baby in the back of my mind but my husband didnt want to hear of it because we already had plans and really at that time it just didnt feel right.

I constantly think about it, but my husband gets annoyed when i try and talk about it, even though i know he would be happy to have another baby I think he is just worried about how much change it would take, I think he still has alot of vivid memories of being thrown up on and the screaming tantrums in public... also the fact that he said it wouldnt be right since the other kids are already older, they wouldnt really bond ...

I just dont know, does anyone else have kids with a big age gap ?

I honestly dont see it as a big problem like he does... right now during the summer I cut back to 2 days a week ( sometimes I go in on a Saturday for weddings or something), so that way i am home with the kids most of the time they are home ( and they go to my mom and dads the days I go in) ... so i could do this with the baby too - just all year long... i would still make a decent amount and my husband has a good job too, so our bills wouldnt be a problem... and also since the kids are older they can actually be big helps, and they are also old enough that it isnt as if the baby will be taking alot of time away from them ( since most of the time they want to be with friends too ) ...

But my husband also thinks this is just me feeling old ( since the kids dont want me around them as much anymore) ... but I dont think i would think about it this much if it was just a phase...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Jun. 6, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (11)
  • I had 3 children from my first marriage ages14,9, and 6. I remarried and my current DH and I were together 4 years when we decided to have one of our own....that turned into 2 of our own only 13 months apart. Currently our children are 25,20,17,5 and 4 (he also has a DD from an ex-girlfriend who is 15. Very large age gaps for sure. I was 39 and 40 when my last two were born. I think for the most part it is all in how you raise them..your family dynamics. My 5 kids are extremely close even though the oldest is out on his own. He comes for dinner at least 5 nights a week.
    My only word of caution is this; be careful to understand what you wish for. I love my boys I really do, but my 5 yr old had acid reflux and screamed 20 hours a day for 6 months. Then I added a new born to the mix. I was tired....still am some days. Wouldn't trade them, but given the chance, I would think harder first.

    Answer by salexander at 1:50 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • My kids will have a large age gap. Maybe not 9-12 years but I'm hoping at least 6 years. I have a 2 year old and am just not ready for another one. I think timing is more important than age gaps when it comes to having children. Makes for a happier family overall.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I would be very cautious, but that is just me. What if you had another one? What if it had some type of health issues, If hubby isn't in TOTAL agreement, then I'd back off personally. But, only you know having another one is the right thing to do. Good luck!!!

    Answer by ShelbysHope76 at 2:40 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • Well what i believe is * you only regret the kids you dont have, not the ones you do* ... but I have to admit I do worry about if they have health issues ... I have alot of anxiety when it comes to my kids health, so I can imagine if i had one with something serious, I think i would be a mess...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:45 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I think the age difference depends a lot on the actual kids themselves. Like there is 10 or so years between my dad and his older brother. His brother tormented my dad mercilessly when they were kids. But some of that stemmed from the fact that my uncle had to watch my dad while their parents worked. A 16yo doesn't want a 6yo tagging along constantly. And my uncle was an abusive douche to begin with. Took it out on my dad when they were kids and then on his wife and kids.
    I have 5 kids. The biggest gap between consecutive kids is 4 years. But there are 10 years between my 1st and 5th and they get along great. He adores her and all the older kids (10, 9, 8 and 5) LOVE to help with the baby. In fact the first few months were pretty easy with 6 sets of hands to deal with him. The older 3 change diapers and make bottles. They love the responsibility and he adores them.

    Answer by justanotherjen at 3:12 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I think the hardest part, though, will be next year when the 5yo is in school. Once he hits the toddler years he's going to be left on his own a lot. I saw it a bit when the 5yo was a toddler and the older 3 were off playing with friends and then they were all in school and she was with me and driving me nuts, lol. The baby is going to always be on his own. The youngest girl (4 years older) will probably play with him a bit but the fun will probably wear off of the older kids after awhile. But I'm sure we'll adjust. I've always encouraged my kids to be close and helpful towards each other. They really don't think twice when I ask them to look after the baby so I can do something. They even volunteer right now.

    Answer by justanotherjen at 3:14 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I think this is a decision that BOTH parents need to agree on. if one partner does NOT want another child, that decision should be honored. Sounds like your family and home are very happy and healthy. Why mess with success and harmony?


    Answer by Sisteract at 4:41 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I have a 19 yr old daughter, 16 yr old daughter, and 13 yr old son from my first marriage. I am 41 yrs old and remarried 3 yrs ago. We had a baby who is now 1 and we are ttcing for baby #2. I think it was the best thing we had ever done. It has brought our family together as one single family unit.

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 1:00 AM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • I am TTC,my son is 15(almost 16 YO) Robin

    Answer by RobinChristine at 1:04 AM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • when I met my husband I had 3 kids that were older and we had son just graduated kindergarten and my youngest daughter just graduated high school. My older kids have enjoyed having a little brother and the only regret is not having another because now he is alone and his 3 sisters are moving on with life. They had each other growing up and he has no other siblings to grow up with. but on the positive side it is nice to be able to buy clothes and school supplies or toys for 1 kid versus the high cost of buying for 3 at a time.

    Answer by alotleft2do at 6:04 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

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