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I just don't see how it is going to work....

I have been dating a man for almost a year and I can say I am very much in love ( and I can tell he loves me ) ... we both have daughters from previous marriages... His daughter is 15 and mine is 6.

I am very close with my daughter , she is everything to me... the only times I am not with her is when I am at work ( which is only at the time she is at school ) and then when she is visiting her dad ( which is when I am with my boyfriend) ...

His daughter mainly lives with her mother and only comes to visit... however right now she is a big trouble maker and it is hard to tell who she is with at a given time ( she tells one parents she is somewhere and the other something different, etc) ... She is causing alot of stress on my b/f ... she has been caught doing drugs and having sex and she thinks she knows everything ( of course she is a teen so she must know everything ) ... A few times we have tried to have our children together ( we tried like a movie night and we have tried going out to dinner together) ... but his daughter is mean to my little girl !!! ... the last time I seen her she pushed my daughter HARD ... So now until she grows out of being a brat I refuse to take my daughter around her... My b/f even found drugs that she brought into his house, so now my daughter and i wont go there either... I dont want to be like that, but I feel like my daughter has to come first, and I understand his daughter needs to come first to him... but i just dont see how it is going to work... he feels like her behavior is because she had a split family and so now he puts up with the way she acts ( which is only going to make her keep acting that way) ...

I want to be with him, but i just cant, and I know if things stay like this we would end up fighting more over it until we broke up .... I want to have one more conversation with him and just try to get everything out in the open and see where he really stands but i dont know how to say it all without it being harsh...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:54 PM on Jun. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • your doing the right thing tring to preotect your daughter. his daughter isnt going to change for a few years more (probably when she is 18 and doesn tfeel like she is fighting ppl to be in control of herself) i htink you should tell him you guys just need a break for a while. (until she either changes or is no longer having to be at his place cuz of custody) his daughter is almost an adult and if she wants to have sex and do drugs then she can handle the punishment like an adult.
    Hopeful44

    Answer by Hopeful44 at 2:11 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • ** also.. I meant to type she is 16 , not 15 ---- she is actually almost 17 ( in August ) ...

    The mother also had to withdraw her from school because she missed so many days there were going to come after her, so she is suppose to do the online learning but isnt... ( which means she is laying around and doing drugs during thay day while she is at work) ...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:16 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I think you should tell your boyfriend the same thing that you told us. I think you are making a smart choice.

    as for the boyfriend's daughter, have you talked to social services about this? This child isn't even getting any kind of schooling?
    you'd probably be doing that kid a favor if you reported what was going on!

    good luck!
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 2:40 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • Wow, I'm so glad you are considering what this means for your future and not just jumping into this relationship hoping it will all work out! So there's atleast one adult in this situation... Problem is there's not two. Keep putting the kids first. That's the only way to make a blended family work anyway! It will also let you know 'if' it's going to work. You are on the right track. Talk to him and see if he can 'man'-up'
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 2:53 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • get out the situation while u can...
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 7:52 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

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