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My Daughter and her Baby Daddy....

my dd has 3 kids, her baby daddy lives 4 hours away, and as of now, they have been broken up for about 6 mo's. He pays no support, works under the table, so child support enforment can't track him. he just says let it just keep building up. my dd is going to college, looking for work, living with us with her kids. i am really starting to loose my patience with this daddy. he only sees the kids about once a month, when he does have them, it seems he just can't wait to send them back to her (they are 5,3,1) and will call everyday just to pick a fight with my dd. I know that most would say, he doesn't pay.... he doesn't get to see them, but honestly my daughter needs a break everyonce in a while.
Does anyone else have to deal with a deadbeat baby daddy?


Asked by nybor48 at 5:17 PM on Jun. 6, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 16 (3,063 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • let's be nice! to all who feel the need to correct someone "DON'T". grandma always said... IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY... DON'T SAY ANYTHING. To the grandmother who asked the question... I know your hands are full and you need a break. It would be nice if someone watched the kids for you and your daughter to have a short get-a-way time together. You know she loves and needs you and so does those kids. Channel your energy on the possitive. It's just that way right now... We have to be super moms when we least expect it. We don't know each other personally, I used to help my daughter quite often in the past, then suddenly her whole life turned around, she is stronger (now is time for you to show her she can be stronger and independent) Love is a strange thing. The kids father is being selfish right now. He does need a wake-up call. I would get someone to document where he works. God loves you and so do I!!!!

    Answer by miamoma at 6:11 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I'm sorry this is an awful no win situation for you the kids and your DD. She needs to go after him for support regardless if he chooses to pay, he should be held accountable. You can't control what they do, if I was your DD I wouldn't talk to him about anything other than the times for child visitation.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 5:21 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • i dont but i would turn him in for working under the table if he wont pay! and if he doesnt pay they can and will take him to jail!

    Answer by babymaddy at 5:19 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • Even if they can't track his pay, CS is usually based on minimum wage. And don't try to keep the kids from him. CS and visitation rights are not linked. Your DD should always facilitate visitation even if he is a deadbeat. The CS will eventually be enforced. Your lawyer needs to request a hearing where access to this guy's income tax returns are granted.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 6:34 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • I did for years. My ex abandoned our oldest 3 in 98 & has seen them a handful of times since. Also worked under the table. My mom hired a PI and we caught him working. He ended up having a felony flagrant non support on his record. He is now a paramedic so it is something he has to explain away anytime he gets a promotion or job. Anyway, Id move for sole custody. You can always give her a break by letting her take off for a night at a hotel. That would be more worth it then what you are doing now. I got sole custody in 2000 after he stopped showing for visits, paying support, and had warrants and past criminal history. It was a slam dunk. The kids know him, they came up with their own opinion of him without my help.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:21 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • Well the court will make him pay sooner or later, they will require him to get a job they can track, throw him in jail or suspend his DL. Now the anger isn't doing anyone any good, and I would channel it into helping your daughter. I guess you could call him and give him a piece of your mind, but that might drive him away further,, it sucks, and you know it sucks and your DD knows it sucks,, just thank-you for being a good grandma and mom!

    Answer by kimigogo at 5:35 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • why can't people just say "my grandchildren's dad" or "my daughter's ex". WHY oh why is baby daddy the uneducated description? Perhaps if one is ghetto one should expect ghetto type actions like under the table jobs, avoiding child support, etc..

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:39 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

  • why can't people just say "my grandchildren's dad" or "my daughter's ex". WHY oh why is baby daddy the uneducated description? Perhaps if one is ghetto one should expect ghetto type actions like under the table jobs, avoiding child support, etc..
    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Jun. 6, 2011

    i guess the grammer police are out.. Sorry to offend,

    Comment by nybor48 (original poster) at 2:38 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • his under the table job should not matter... in the state of vt there is a thing called willfully unemployment in which case dad still has to pay and does not get a free ride. If calls are rude and inappropriate keep a journal and record them. Vt also has a thing called disturbing the peace by phone in which he can be charged. check your state make some friends in places like legal aid or with the police that maybe able to help you with advice. then pray for him.

    Answer by Mommy_Aiken at 6:28 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • am not jumping on you because of grammar. I am stating an opinion. Baby momma and baby daddy are ghetto expressions. It's not about grammar. People who generally use those terms are generally lower class people and IMO, if you are a lower class person you should expect the people around you to behave in lower class ways. So, do not be so shocked that he's a deadbeat.
    Answer by Anonymous 3 hours ago

    WOW. would really be nice if you knew me first to call me lower class. No wonder you answered anonymous. If you didn't like the title of the question, why even answer?

    Comment by nybor48 (original poster) at 2:35 PM on Jun. 8, 2011