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2 Bumps

Do any of you have an adult (late 20s) living with you and their small child. No physical help with house chores, no contribution to living expenses, leaves caring for the baby to me while she is gone. She rarely comes home at night.

Help, are there ay resources for me? I didn't choose to have another child, I inherited him. I love him soo much and want the best for him.

 
shefree

Asked by shefree at 10:50 AM on Jun. 7, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 14 (1,422 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • she's only doing this because you allow it. stop her behavior and make her assume responsibility for her actions/child/share of the work. if not, she can leave.
    she's holding the child hostage over your emotions, and as long as you give in, it will continue.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 11:01 AM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Talk to the mother. "Take your kid back or I'm filing for custody based on abandonment."
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:51 AM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Adult or not, you have to have house rules.
    She's using you, taking advantage and you have to stand up to her.
    You could try going to guardianship of the child since she is leaving it up to raise him anyway.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 11:11 AM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • I would put my demand in writing. don't be a door mat ... my mom didn't get anything out of it but bad health ... mother's deserve respect and take charge of your life. If she can't go along with what I say... get some professional person involved... you don't need to take on her responsibilities, but you can get the help both of you need. it is better to put pride aside. she can get help and be put in a program that makes ker responsible and stronger. the kid in the long run suffers.
    miamoma

    Answer by miamoma at 5:21 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Kick her out and get custody. My dd is now almost 22 with two kids. Last year she had some problems and moved in with me. I made the rules clear. If she screwed up and didnt watch her kids I would take them plain and simple. Start documenting. Go to social services and have her sign a paper saying you have custody of the child and get medicaid and food stamps for the child. You may also qualify for daycare help and foster care money.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:57 AM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Schedule a time to talk to her. Before the talk start thinking about what you want her to contribute with like cooking dinner a few nights a week, doing the laundry ect like a chore list when she was little. Also set some ground rules like you wont watch the baby at night so she can go out or maybe say you can watch him only if you are asked and feel like it. Is she getting child support? Maybe you could tell her to look for part time work or something so she can start saving for a place to live. If after the talk things dont change you could look into getting guardianship for the child. Good luck and hugs.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 11:08 AM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Sit her down and set her straight.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 11:16 AM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • You want to find out if she is working the hours she says - call her work. Since you are her childcare, you should know what hours you should be available for childcare and she should be paying you to do so. She should also be taking care of her own child when she's not at work OR you go for guardianship so that you can legally be responsible for that child.

    Get a backbone and stand up to her. She is walking all over you and as an adult, she knows better.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 12:17 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • My Inlaws ended up taking permanent guardianship of my SILs 3 children. They took all her and her "husband"'s crap and put it on the front lawn and changed the locks on the doors to the house.
    Now, there was drug use involved in this case, but my SIL is 27 years old and might finally be growing up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Personally I do not believe calling social services on your daughter is the answer. It is frustrating to live with an adult child especially if grandchildren are involved. My 27 year old daughter recently moved out leaving her seven year old son with us. While she was here she did very little housework but did contribute food stamps to the household. She is bi-polar and we decided that as long as she was not an abusive parent we would never try to take custody of her child. We had a list of rules that she had to follow but she balked at even those few. She was holding us hostage because she knew we would never toss her out on the streets with her child. We encouraged her to go back to school and she refused. She began dating a man who does not like children and that is where we drew the line. Sit down with your daughter and try to calmly discuss which of her behaviors bother you the most and have her work on changing those.
    bostonterrio

    Answer by bostonterrio at 4:49 PM on Jun. 13, 2011