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What should i do with my 3 year old hitting and throwing things and not listening?

my 3 year old seems out of control. He will not listen to me what so ever. I feel like I'm always yelling at him and i hate it. He doesn't take me seriously. When I get him to stop, he seems to forget it next time. Most importantly, when I tell him he can not do something and gets mad, he starts swinging his arms at me(TO HIT ME) and THROW THINGS AT ME. AND ALWAYS TALKING BACK. i've always been a good mom but hard to say no when he was younger about somethings but not to cause this. Ive lightly smacked his but to where it scares him to a point but then thinks its funny and does nothing. its an argument everyday and all i want to do is have a good relationship w/ him bc im his mom. He doesnt even seem like he cares if im around b/c he's always bad for me and I try to discipline. My mother and father kind of live with us but he doesnt act as bad with them or even if he does they say "just leave him alone" and will not listen to me when i say "he's not aloud to do this or cant have that ect. Whether im there or not! they do what they can to make him listen but give up most the time b/c they dont want to deal with it. i really need help

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Jun. 7, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (6)
  • He sees grandma and grandpa undermine what mommy says and he thinks he should do that too. He doesn't think the rules apply to him. I would start from scratch. Start with a routine like bath at a certain time and bedtime, lights out. no t.v. or anything at night. I would also tell everyone else who tries to tell you how to raise your son that he is your responsibility and that you would appreciate it if everyone will not parent your child. You need to have a firm hand but also show him that you care about him. I would be pissed if this happened to me and my son (3 also) knows it. He has boundaries and knows what respect is. I would suggest doing some of these things to restore order in your house. Good Luck. I'm here if you want to talk.

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 12:22 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • My daughter will be 3 in august and is VERY strong willed...she throws things usually when she is frustrated about something...I realized that yelling was just getting me more angry and her more frustrated...just walk away...seriously..make sure he won't break anything and let him, it's a difficult situation living with your parents when the discipline is not the same...I had this talk with my family...they would let her do certain things and then we would get home where those things weren't allowed...I think once he has boundaries that are more clear, he will understand a little better...after that consistency.

    Answer by calliesmommie at 12:24 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Listen be consistent, put him in time out if that means 20 x's a day he will get the hint. I don't believe hitting works you hit they hit, you yell they yell.

    Try to distract them be stern and look them right in the eye make sure he knows you mean it. I am doing that now, but I waited too long, they know who they can get away with it with. My kids are 7/8/12/15, I should not have felt and guilt because now It is so much harder getting things under control.

    I know I will though I won't give up.....

    Answer by KFree907 at 12:24 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • my nephew is the same way and when I babysit him he doesnt' act up for me. Here's what I do, that may help. When he hits, or throws something or yells, he gets time out. I don't yell at him and warn him, he knows the rules already, I just calmly pick him up and put him in the high chair for 3 minutes (he's 3). I set a kitchen timer, and when it goes off, so long as he had calmed down, I will go over and talk to him about why that behavior is not okay (ex. if he hit, I explain how hitting is not nice, it hurts people, and then they aren't going to want to play with you. If they did something that upset you, you come to me and we can all sit down and work it out.). Then I give him a hug and he's free again.
    It works because he's more likely to mimic my own calm behavior. If I yell at him, he's only learning to yell back when frustrated. So I stay calm.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:59 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • don't warn him about possible discipline if he already knows those things are bad behavior. If it's a new behavior or action.. (like say you are at the park and he doesn't know he shouldn't pick up stones and throw them) warn once, then discipline if it's repeated. ALWAYS reward good behavior to encourage more good behavior, even if it's just praising them for it.
    He wants to have a good relationship with you as well. But he needs to hear more positive attention from you. Less yelling etc. The calmer you are about things (discipline included) to calmer he will be, thus better behaved.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:02 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • I have a two and a half boy and we consider him to be a strong willed child. It seemed that this behavior happened overnight. I started doing some research, and in fact it was true. I purchased a book called.....(setting limits with your strong willed child) author is Robert MacKenzie. It has helped me a great deal, i still go back to it often to remind myself the actions i need to take. It"s not like you need to read the book from front to back before you start to use the techniques. All I can say is it works!

    Answer by angie1955 at 2:15 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

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