Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Do you really know who you are with?

I honestly thought i did. Seemed great , had problems just like any couple does but who doesn't. This person said he would always be there, support his family, be truthful & honest & never be unfaithful...7 years later i found out that was all a lie. He lied constantly about things i had no clue until now, when he said he loved me he did not mean it & was unfaithful during our marriage. Never saw it coming & am in complete shock. How could i have been so blind. I am usually a good judge of character but he defiantly fooled me.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Jun. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • It happens and I am sorry. I was in the same situation years back. I was madly in love and my now ex husband was everything and more. He had a great job, seemed like a good father, he would bring me gifts and roses just because, all my friends liked him, my parents loved him, and guess what? He was a liar who had been cheating on me almost the entire time. He had stopped paying the mortgage even, gotten his mistress pregnant and I of course was the last to know. I really think I had a nervous breakdown back then. I couldnt handle it.
    Its been more then 10 yrs and Im remarried, actually to a great guy. I can only thank now my ex for what he did to me. I know it sounds weird. But if he hadnt I wouldnt be where I am now with a wonderful man. Try counseling. It really helped me, and alone time.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 2:00 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • not really but we are married a learning new things everyday
    bryansgirl

    Answer by bryansgirl at 2:03 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Sometimes I wonder. If someone had told me what my husband would do after we got married, there is no way I would have belived them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • I can and only will speak for myself.

    Yes, and no. The reality is t his.. Yes there are aspects of my husband I know after 26 years of marriage. However, I firmly believe that it is impossible to fully know (100% without question, without era) another human being. It is impossible to know what another human being is capable of : thinking, doing, choosing, behaving..etc..etc.. Therefore, yes in some ways I do know my husband of 26 years, in some ways I will never know him no matter how many years we spend together.

    In your case. Someone turned out to be someone different than you had expected, hoped for and thought you may have known. However, they may have turned out to be this way from the very beginning, they may have made choices you weren't expecting, acting in ways that caught you unaware...and so on. None of those things are you being "blind" or not having a good judge of character. He just wasn't what you expected.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:17 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Typo: era== error
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:19 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • I wish someone would of given me a heads up w/my ex of 21 years, had no idea, either...its the betrayal and being made a fool that hurt me - everyone knew but the wife - as the ol saying goes "the wife is the last person to know". Hang your head up high, its his game not yours - GL and hugs!
    PatriciaofMN

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 2:26 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • so sorry to hear that,anyone can be fooled into thinking things are ok when there actually not,i ve been with dh for 13 yrs and everyday i seem to learn something new about him,some good,some bad. hope things get better.
    houndlover

    Answer by houndlover at 2:31 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • I am so sorry to hear that. That kind of happened to me several years ago thinking I knew the man I was married to but after 20 years he ended up leaving his family. I do not think we ever know anyone truly 100%. It is going to hurt for a long time. I hope you can heal and find the strength to become a stronger person and do something for you. Good Luck Honey!
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 2:45 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • aww good luck working on your marriage. i am sure it will work out fine in the end.
    mrsary

    Answer by mrsary at 3:32 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • We all live n learn through the years...
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 6:58 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN