Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Do I have a right to be hurt?

My hubby and I have been married 4yrs. We have 5kids . He has 3 boys for a pasted marriage which we have joint custody of . I have 1 daughter that he hads adpoted. Then we have 1 baby together. Just wanted to give the dl about the family. So yesterday his mom called and wanted to take just the boys ro Florida. My hubby didn't feel right about it and all. Later he called his mom to ask her why my Daughter couldn't go. ( the baby's to small) First it was she had no room in the car for her.Then my hubby told her to take 2 that way it doesn't look like she's seprating them because of blood. She said, I couldn't look the boy in the eyes and tell him one of them can't go. Hubby said, but you can her? Just need some input. I feel this is always gonna be a problem or I'm i just crazy thinking she trying to make a point. What would you do??

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:45 PM on Jun. 7, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (19)
  • Being a grandparent is hard let alone when there are other children involved. I know I have 13 lots more if you count the ones that aren't ours but our kids have in their lives and I don't think I could tell one or the other they had to stay home. Not sure what I would do other then get the parents to go along also.
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 2:49 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • – collapse
    I don't see the issue here. Your daughter is NOT her grandchild. Why would she take her? I wouldn't expect her to, nor would I think it appropriate to expect her to. She is wanting to take HER grandchildren on vacation, and is planing to pay for it I would assume. I'm sorry to tell you but adopted or not they ARE separated because of blood. NONE of my siblings are full blood siblings - some are half, some are step. And when we were growing up this kind of thing was normal. My sister got to do things I didn't and visa versa, and same with the others... It wasn't a big deal unless our parents made it one.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 2:53 PM on Jun. 7, 2011 (hidden) + expand

  • Why not just let the boys go and tell them it's just a trip "for the boys" At another time maybe she can take your daughter out for the day?
    Is your daughter younger than the boys? If she is, then again I don't see a problem with telling them it's only for the older kids and do something special with the younger ones at a different time.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:54 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • I would be mad. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years.. I have two daughters from a previous relationship and we have one baby together. His parents love my two girls just the same as their other grandchildren. When they buy our baby an outfit..they buy my girls one too. They take my girls for outings more than they do our baby..because they are bigger. They love them. Thats how it should be..

    No matter if your daughter isn't her REAL grandchild.. you and her son are together.. he adopted her as his own.

    I personally..wouldn't let the boys go either. I think his mother is inconsiderate.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 2:59 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • This is always going to be a problem. We cut off all contact with my husband's family because they treated our children that way. I would not let the boys go either, but that is just me. If you want to take the kids then you take them all or none of them.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 3:01 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • It wouldn't be a big deal. But his parent has always get mad if we treat any of them different.We got in a big fight becuase they say everything isn't fair.The boys do this and your daughter does this.I don't understand when it what the problem is if they are the ones that get pissed off if they get treated different. But my thing is why is it ok for them to do them same then? My daughter just turned 8. She just turned 3 a month before we go together. My family is not all blood but we still treat everybody the same as if they where. So to if my hubby wanted to adpot her the she is family.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:03 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • He has 3 kids from a previous marriage, he has adopted your child from a previous marriage, and y'all have one together. Right?

    I'd be a little ticked that she just wanted to take the boys, but like another poster said, maybe it's just a boys-only thing. I'd sit down with her and your husband and get to the bottom of all this before I got upset.

    My son was an unplanned pregnancy. My MIL would call him Boo-boo when he was a baby. *I* though it was because he was an accident. When I finally asked her about it, and gave my side, she felt horrible. She explained to me that she meant is as Boo-boo from Yogi Bear. Once I knew I was fine with her calling him Boo-boo, but she never has since that conversation.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 3:05 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • I don't think any of the children should be treated any differently..by anyone. You two chose to be in this life together.. & the kids are just along for the ride. The adults of the family should make them as comfortable as possible.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 3:05 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • @sabrinambowen: Her husband has adopted her daughter. Just because he is not the biological father he IS her father now, legally, emotionally, and rightfully so. OP: I would be hurt too, and I am in a blended family situation. My Fiance’s mother includes my daughter in everything she does, same as the other grandkids. And we are not married yet and hasn’t adopted her yet! Yes, what she is doing is wrong. In my opinion if she doesn’t have enough space for all three, then she either makes different arrangements (flying for example) or doesn’t take any of them! When you are involved in a blended family situation you have to be sensitive to all involved. All children should be treated equally.
    Tamara0383

    Answer by Tamara0383 at 3:10 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Maybe It wouldn't be so bad. I wasn't married to her father til my hubby she NEVER had any other family. But my family. Her daddy whole family has nothing to do with her. I'll she know is my and my hubby's family. She know that her real dad left her but that's it!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:18 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN