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I was told that because I want alone time with my husband that I do not put my children first. Does wanting this alone time make me a bad mom?

A "friend" asked if I was drop everything and go pick my child up from where they were at if they were crying for me. I said that it depends on the situation and that if I knew they were safe then I wouldn't. I went on to say that it is also good for the parents to have alone time. They told me that they find it hard to believe that I put my children first in everything if I would not drop what I was doing and run and pick them up if my husband and I were spending alone time together if the child just missed me. Does this make me a bad parent? I believe that couples need the alone time to reconnect, am I wrong?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:46 PM on Jun. 7, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (27)
  • You are not wrong AT ALL. Your friend is going to do her kids a big disservice by parenting that way.

    Answer by gramsmom at 8:48 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • As long as the child is safe and the care-giver is not calling you overwhelmed, then there's nothing wrong with that at all.

    Answer by momov4kids at 8:48 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • If he kids was crying for a long time and was not going to stop then yeah I would get them,but I agree all couples need alone time...need to "recharge their relationship battery" as my SO puts it lol...we can get so consumed with the everyday life of being parents that we forget about each other and that's never healthy.


    Answer by happymama02 at 8:49 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Your not wrong at all. Couples do need alone time, its important not to forget about the marriage, happy parents equal happy children. Often its people who forget about their spouse and put everything into their kids who end up with a broken home as the marriage falls apart because its been abandoned. Thats just wonderful for the kids then isnt it!!!!!!!!!!!!


    Answer by Princess_s21 at 8:49 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • wanting alone time makes you a GOOD mom. Keeping the relationship between you and DH alive is good for the ENTIRE family including the children. It is good for them to see that you and your spouse have a good stable and loving relationship. It shows them how couples should be. It is a learning experience for children to see their parents in love and taking time to show it to each other.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 8:52 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Thats an opinion from a parent whos child will depend soley on them for years and years to come, for emotional support, financial support, educational support and to bail him out of anything thats too hard... Children have to understand to be independant. It definitely does depend on the circumstances. If the child was in school and was crying because he missed his mommy. Maybe he could give you a call to feel better? But coming to his rescue will mislead him now and in the future. I love spending time with my husband. It's good for our relationship. We try to spend time alone at least once a week. Our daughter has loving grandparents that would be happy to watch her anytime. She happy because shes with family and... to be honest, her granparents spoil her with good food kids like to eat and toys, hugs kisses and candy. So I know she won't miss me.

    Answer by Ashleigh_17 at 8:52 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Thank you every one. This does help, I have been dwelling on this all day. My husband and I both are in college part time and work full time. It seems like the time that is left over on the weekends goes to the children and before work I take care of the children because I am second shift, and my husband gets them at night. I would say that in two years we have only have two "date" nights. And i was scared wanting that time just for us to act married was wrong of me.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:53 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Does this person have children? B/c i find alot of womwn wothout children judging ppl that do have judging on their parenting skills!

    Answer by kyheavensmom at 8:54 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Contrary to what I've seen many Moms here say..the kids are not number one. Putting the kids ahead of your spouse is why so many marriages break up soon after kids leave hiome. In a true nuclear family Mom and Dad are the center nucleus. Kids gravitate in a ringsurrounding the parents. You have to nurture your relationship consistantly or it will wither and die. Kids grow up and move away. I love my children with all my heart but they do not come before our relationship. Because of that we are better parents. My boys were loved and nurtured and never did without what they needed.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:56 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • don't you just love those parents who have their kids every single second of the day, and even bring them on their "dates" rotten if you ask me. kids gotta learn that momma and daddy ain't gonna be there every single second of the day.

    don't worry momma, you're fine. i'm right there with you

    Answer by armywife43 at 8:57 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

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