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4 Bumps

Am i being unreasonable here ? i would appreciate your honest opinions. thank u ..

a year ago i found out my s/o had multiple affairs, we still lived together but were separated emotionally because of all the pain he caused. i am willing to try make this relationship work by giving him a 2nd chance but i have a few rules. on his facebook page he has female friends that i want deleted, i don't care if they are in another state, one in particular is an ex gf of his (he has known her years before he met me) so he didn't cheat on me with her BUT they have no kids together so there is no damn reason to keep in touch with her imo. i want him to delete all his female friends and call that ex and let her know he is trying to rebuild his relationship with me and I AM NOT COMFORTABLE with their friendship period. she has her husband and kids, he has me. she needs to be a thing of the past. i want me and my s/o to move on with a clean slate. am i being unfair ?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:33 PM on Jun. 7, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Your not being unreasonable but your also not thinking straight. You shouldn't have to go through all that trouble if you trusted your SO. If he is going to cheat he is going to cheat and it doesn't matter if you delete all the girls on his FB. You don't trust this man, are you sure you still love him, or are you in love with the idea of what the two of you can be. Every relationship is work, but yours seems like it might be overtime.


    Answer by styhmMommy at 10:43 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • I think it is unreasonable.. You can't delete all the women he will come in contact with on a daily basis.. He will be around them just about every where he goes. You can't be with him 24/7... Deleting the girls off FB will not stop him from cheating IF he wishes to cheat again. This is controlling and he may rebel. If you can't trust him on the computer, how will you handle it when he is out ?

    Good luck ..

    Answer by midnightmoma at 10:48 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • imo i wouldn't be with a man i didn't trust, period and he has shown you what a jerk he really is

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 10:34 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Since he has already cheated, I don't think u are being unreasonable at all. I would tell him to delete his Facebook all together, but hey, that's me.

    Answer by BitsMom00 at 10:37 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • I don't think you're being unreasonable. If there was no history of cheating, then possibly but in this case, no. He needs to be doing everything you ask without question. That said, I don't think anyone derserves to be with someone who cheats not once but mulitple times then does what your SO is doing, keeping in contact with old girlfriends. IMHO, he does not deserve you. Good luck honey.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Now, on one hand, if they were friend for years and then had a brief fling and it was over and they still remained friends then I could understand being friends with her. I know that I have lots of male friends and I once broke up with a man because he bitched every time I decided to hang out with my two best friends that I had known since elementary school, who are also both gay. I couldn't take his constant accusations and questions. But, I do understand that you feel insecure because he cheated on you. I personally wouldn't stay with me if he cheated on me, especially if we weren't married and if we had no children. You don't trust him and without trust there can't be a relationship.

    Answer by Razzle_Dazzle1 at 11:01 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • He is an so and not a husband for a reason.
    WHY do you put up with that???

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • I think it's cannot expect him to NOT have any female friends on Facebook. My husband and I made an agreement that as long as we both had Facebook accounts, we wouldn't have any exes as friends....just out of respect to one another. I had trust issues with my husband in the beginning of our relationship but I realized that he and I could not have a future together as long as I was holding on to the past. We are great now and I trust him with all my heart!!! Good luck!

    Answer by cmgIII at 11:13 PM on Jun. 7, 2011

  • Well, first, you say you were living together but separated - if you were separated, then I really don't know that it qualifies as cheating. Setting that aside, while I understand the urge to want to eliminate any female presence in his life other than my own and family, you can't do that. Aside from the fact that you cannot control another person, eliminating all female presence from his life makes it impossible for him to prove that you can trust him again, and it will also just make him more determined to cheat if he really wants to. Not to mention that eventually he'll get fed up and decide it's not worth it anyway, and leave. AND...the ex gf is someone he knew for years before he met you - that sounds like a pretty solid friendship to me. You don't mention how long you two have been together, but it is possible that he could choose the solid friendship over the girlfriend that wants to lock him in a bubble. Think hard.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:01 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • If u want to make it work he has to clean house on all the exs but you both need to also I learned u can forgive but never forget the hardest thing is letting the past go and truly forgiving my hubby and I have come a ling way it is possible be strong but let him know your true feelings so he understands u genuinely and doesn't think your being controlling its yard but I wish u luck

    Answer by rinamomof2 at 7:16 AM on Jun. 8, 2011