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Hubby won't work! What do I do?

I'm so embarassed! My husband has been out of work for over 3 months. He finds every excuse in the book not to work. Meanwhile, I'm busting my butt to take care of everything and we're going under financially. Should I boot him or give him a chance? I'm really hurt and confused. Please don't bash me... I love this man so much and all I want is for him to help out and provide for our household.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:28 PM on Jul. 11, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Is he looking? Maybe he's depressed about not providing for the family. I would talk to him and try to get him motivated. Good luck!

    Answer by jamieandjohnny at 10:11 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • I agree with he is probabl y depressed. My husband was there once and I did all the wrong things. Today I would try every way to make him feel more of a man. #1 in the bedroom. #2 I wouldn't critisize him about what he isn't doing. #3 I would not leave suttle hints or even large hints about how he is making you feel rotten or ruining your life. Instead I would make his life wonderful an build him up as much as possible. That would encourage him to be the man God intended him to be. Boost Him and he will boost you out of the state you are in eventually this may take a while. Then meanwhile do things to help your family out the best you can. If you can bake do that and sell the goods to friends and neighbors. If you can clean a house for someone do that. Or if you are interested in a work at home job email me but don't let yourself be idle because this just adds to your resentment and will solve none of your problems. I will say a prayer for you now. God Bless!

    Answer by GarlicMom at 10:20 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • can he get unemployment just to help out? Maybe ask him if he wants to start his own business. Does he have a skill? My 50 yr old cousin makes a killing cutting grass with a push mower he's had for years! Maybe your h works on cars or tinkers with small appliances and can fix them at home for ppl. Find his interest and see if he can make a living at it while waiting for the right outside the house job to come along. He could be a neighborhood handyman or something.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:12 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • I would level with him. I would start off by saying, "Look I cant support us on what I make. Lets get back on track together." Good Luck!!!

    Answer by taracv at 12:51 AM on Jul. 12, 2008

  • Well first of all if you have children, then he should be working! Is this the first time he has ever done this? if not then you really should boot him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Jul. 12, 2008

  • Remember it is not what you say but how you say it. A man needs to know that he is basically the head and right now he might not feel like it. He could have so many emotions running threw him that makes him question himself! Up lift him in his time of need how we treat them today will effect our tomorrow. We want open communication ALWAYS so promote it, I pray that God blesses you with the right thing to say and him with a heart and ears to listen!!!

    Answer by FanofJesus at 11:25 AM on Jul. 12, 2008

  • I would lovingly and quietly make a spot for him- a desk is ideal, if not, then a file he can carry or briefcase.

    Helo him by looking up places that hire, circling them, doing the legwork for him and letting him look it over. DO NOT smirk or wince at a job he mentions that you don't like. Encourage.

    I hope he gets out of this rut.

    Answer by TXdanielly at 11:04 PM on Jul. 12, 2008

  • I'm in the same situation.My husband has been out of work a lot longer.Its really embaressing when people ask about him working.I've started lying and saying hes working here and there.Togeter we have 4 boys.We can barley make it on what I make.I feel like I'm busting my ass all day while he is running the roads.Don't get me wrong he is a great dad to our little one and he did support us while I was pregnat but damn its hard.I've tried it all.The being understanding.The bitching.He has every excuse in world.I don't know what to do.I will not keep support a grown man.I can not do it.I've been there and done it before.This doen't set an example for our boys.I want them to grow up and be men.Self supportive.I'm sorry hun.I wish you the best and you will be in my prayers.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Jul. 13, 2008

  • I wouldn't boot him just yet. If he's been a hard working most of his life then he may have just gotten comfortable. My hubby went thru it. He has be a 40 + hr. a week worker since a very young age but when our youngest son was 6 mo. he had to walk out in order to go to the hospital cause his new manager was refusing to let him. He kept saying he would look but never did. He got comfy sitting on his butt all day cause he'd never done it before. Well it took me 2 & half months to get him off his butt. But I finally just told him that if he didn't we didn't to decide what went first water, elec., gas, the vehicle. I told him I'd let him pick. He had a job with in a week and has been back to 40+ a week everysince. He actually thanked me for getting him off his butt.

    Answer by countrymom at 7:08 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • I am in a similar situation financially. The only difference with me is my fiance has been looking for work, but with no results. He has a criminal record, which makes it a hell of a lot more difficult to find a job. Especially in our economy, employers are not hiring at the same rate. Right now, we can't even afford our own place. It's stressful because I am five months pregnant.I help him look for jobs all the time. He definitely gets discouraged, but he has really been trying. We're hoping for the best, and I wish you the best of luck.

    Answer by angelita_0209 at 4:45 PM on Oct. 11, 2008

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