Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Do you ever feel no matter how hard you try to be a good person people always judge, criticize, and talk behind your back?

Why? It just seems like so many people in my life just want to judge. No matter what we do or try inlaws will always assume things about us even though they don't know. So far I'm a bad parent,lazy, can't hold a job,steal from old people,don't watch my kids,getting a free ride, don't care about sick FIL, greedy, and whatever else they say about me. Oh yeah, my daughter isn't my husbands just doesn't seem fair when all I've done is talk good about them. When I'm around them they seem a little snobby. They also make comments about how we spend money and that I should be working more than two days a week. I just want to be done. I don't want it to take up anymore space in my head. But how?

Answer Question

Asked by Musicmom80 at 12:23 AM on Jun. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Level 36 (80,428 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Is this your in-laws or your direct relatives? I would slowly edit them out. The less they know, the less they can judge. My aunt used to tell my father that she could "read between the lines" of my FB statuses and suddenly "knew" I had bought a puppy to fill some kind of empty gap in my life.... huh?!?! So I took her off of FB. Don't tell them much about you, or your life, and they won't have anything to say. Send a card to your FIL, call on Christmas, and limit what you say to vague information. Good luck!

    Answer by livn4hevn at 12:27 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Inlaws. And the funny thing we don't tll them our business and don't see them that much. That's why I don't understand why they think they'd know so much.

    Comment by Musicmom80 (original poster) at 12:45 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • I often often feel this way and it is usually from the people who just plain have too much time on their own hands to be worrying about other peoples lives. I just have to remind myself that if they were truely happy people who were self respecting and respectful of others they would not have enough time to be focused so much on judging my life and how I am living it. I know when I am minding my own business living my life doing what I feel is the right thing by myself and others, I don't give a second thought to how others around me are living their lives and certainly don't take the time to think abount judging them for how they are living theirs. Secondly, it never occurs to me that for some reason I have been appointed to judge or critique them and their lifestyle. Why would I? So I find your question to be very valid and fair. Unfortunately, they just exist!

    Answer by kdwiegandt at 12:48 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • unfortunately its human nature :( people have to judge and criticize others to mask their own insecurities. i'm sorry you have to deal with that :( hang in there and know you're a better person than they are

    Answer by flamingomegs at 12:49 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Yep...never cared how they rais their kids or what they do for a living..

    Comment by Musicmom80 (original poster) at 12:51 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Ugh..I have the same issue. I'm a nice person but people always talk smack! I don't even know or talk to them! They're just stupid and don't let it get to me as much it did before. I know I'm not doing anything wrong in my life.

    Answer by youngmm at 12:59 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • I cut my mil out for good about 3 years ago. Fil is deceased. MIL has NEVER liked me, don't have a clue why. She treats me badly when I'm around, name it and I've probably experienced it. And I've been married to her son for 28yrs! I've never understood and I can honestly say, I don't give a damn anymore.

    Answer by Kathy675 at 1:16 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • I have had years of fretting over this. I am an educated SAHM who homeschools. WOW! How people think this was all done as some sort of statement about how THEY choose to do things.... lol
    You know what, my dear? After first believing they were the warmest nicest people, and over time feeling, then directly experiencing extreme dislike for me, our ways, my opinions, and basically the air I breathe, the town I live in and the lack of nail polish on my toes, I finally came to this . . .
    I. Really. Do. Not. Care. AND I. Am. Me. Take it or leave it, and since I know your choice, it was not so nice knowin' ya! I'll make sure hubby stops in from time to time because for some damn reason, HE loves y'all!
    That's it. Enjoy life. Enjoy your kids. And make a mental note of how not to be to your kids' spouses so that you can keep them in your life forever and watch your grandbabies grow up too. peace :}

    Answer by fohtrae at 2:49 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Aww sweetheart its called envy if u are doing right people are always going to talk about u and its those people you should stand even taller around...keep doing what your doing

    Answer by rinamomof2 at 6:49 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Umm, unless I missed it, no one mentioned your husband stepping in. That would be first and foremost.

    I'm sorry you're going through this. It pisses me off, too, when people judge without knowing the heart and intentions of others. That's why I don't like most people.

    Good luck.

    Answer by DMac08 at 7:01 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.