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how should i deal with my absent in-laws

i am really stuck on what to do as i have spoken to my husband about his family being abent from our childs life and he just comes up with excuses for them evey time my mother-in-law just lives streets away and so does my sister-in-law and we never see them only at christmas and birthdays and its only for a few seconds and thats it i find this upsetting yes i know they work but they only work part time i really need help on this one we have spoken to them about this and they said they will make more of an effors but that was 12 months ago and still nothing what can i do ,do i leave thongs as they are or bann them compleatly

Answer Question
 
mrswaltho

Asked by mrswaltho at 7:04 AM on Jun. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I think that the best way of dealing with it is to just let it go and not do anything. They are the ones missing out on things and you should not stress about it. I would not ban them from you little ones life. As your kids get older they begin to pick up on certain things as to when certain family members are around or are not. There is nothing that says in order for your kids to feel complete they need Grandparents, yes they can enhance your little ones life but they are not needed. Just leave things the way they are. Maybe only see them the once or twice a year but most of all don't worry about it.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 7:09 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • have you spoken up to them about it? Have you called them saying you would like to spend more family time together?
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:12 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • You just leave it. You cannot change people it aint gonna happen.My ex in laws were the same way. I havent seen them since 1998 when me and their loser son divorced lol. Sad thing is neither have the kids. but its their choice, their loss. Like yours before that they lived literally on the same road as we did and we only saw them on holidays and bdays and it was only long enough to exchange gifts.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:16 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • It's really up to them. I have a similar situation happening and it boggles my mind. How can anything be more important than spending time with family, especially a grandchild? The only thing you could possibly do is actively invite them over. I know that you really want the relationship for your child but this isn't about you...it's about them. Hope things change.
    Nonoluna

    Answer by Nonoluna at 7:16 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • I also have a similar situation. Only it's my immediate family of origin (how sad is that?) So you see, you are not alone. Unfortunately, it happens like that sometimes. I used to wonder what I would say to my child when she asks about her grandparents (was tormented by it actually). A wise SIL said (who is ALSO in a similar boat...) that when they are old enough to ask the questions, they will be old enough to understand the answers. That reply has given me much comfort. The other posters are correct. A grandparent can enhance your child's life, but if they don't want to be an active participant, then there's nothing you can do that you haven't already done. You cannot change people. It's their loss, but I'm sure that you will keep your child happy, safe, and loved.
    DMac08

    Answer by DMac08 at 7:21 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • My in laws are exactly the same. I just leave it as it is. I've learned what they are going to do what they're going to do and that's all there is to it, unfortunately!
    Where I draw the line with mine is I told them not to tell my kids they were going to pick them up and then not show up....because that steps into letting my kids down and I will not have that.
    BeachyBabe

    Answer by BeachyBabe at 7:35 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Hmmm this is a tricky one. Maybe you could try inviting them over more often?
    tspillane

    Answer by tspillane at 7:45 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • You can't change them, and thinking that you can is only going to extend the hurt. Move on.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 7:45 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Don't ban them. Invite them over ocassionally and know you are doing what you can to keep them involved with your family. Some people just are not into it. And sometimes things change for the better over time. Be pleasant and cordial and then live your life. They will feel less pressured and you can relax with your DH and kids. GL
    whitepeppers

    Answer by whitepeppers at 8:01 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • How often do you invite them over? Do they decline or just not show up? How often do you go down the street to visit them? Just start small, invite them over for coffee and danish, or a simple lunch, or to the park with your children.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 8:26 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

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