Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)


Alright, so I have been taking care of my child BY MYSELF for almost 5 months, and her dad hasn't helped at all. Yesterday I got a summons and he wants partial custody. Fine. If he is going to be there for her, than he better BE there for her. I have a feeling it won't work out like that, though. But anyway, I was just wondering, how does this work? Do you actually go into a courtroom, or is it like a conference room? I'd feel much better with a conference room...And also, I am really nervous and uptight about letting people I don't know (and my daughter doesn't know) take Kai for the weekends or so, it's scary. His family doesn't know her at all like I do. I'm afraid something bad will happen. Is it possible to just ease in to things? Have him visit her with me there for a while? If you've ever gone through something like this, please message me. I need reassurance.

Answer Question

Asked by Karleyy at 5:03 PM on Dec. 10, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I dunno exactly how it works but if he is involved he will have back child support to pay if he isn't paying alredy

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • I havent been through something like that. But i know what other families did... if her dad really is willing to work things out with your child and wants to be a dad, then you should recommend him to help him out... show him how things work, explain everything to him.. support him with how to change the diaper, how to make the food, how to dress the baby.

    if you are breastfeeding, then the judge (or whoever will decide whats going on) has the right to say that your baby has to be with the dad for longer than til next feeding ;)

    but if you are feeding formula.. then make sure that the judge will understand that this little girl needs YOU, because she doesnt know anyone else besides you... if her dad wants to be a dad (finally), then he can start being a dad when you are around.

    i wish you good luck!

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 5:08 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • Well, I have full custody of my kids so I don't know how the custody situation works, but as far as the hearing, it depends. I've had hearings both in conference rooms and in the actual courtroom. It really makes no difference to the proceedings, you just need to speak a little louder in the courtroom. Just remember to be polite and respectful, don't let the judge see you get mad or frustrated. Phrase all of your concerns as exactly that: concerns; don't act like your blaming him or trying to make him look bad. I know how it is when the ex does nothing; mine is the same way. But just remind yourself, it's not about making him look bad, it's about you being the bigger person and doing what's best for your child. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:24 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • Make it clear that jumping in to an all weekend event without you will cause a lot of distress to your child. The courts are interested in what is best for the child, not what is best for you or the father. What is best for the child is to have a healthy relationship with both parents (in the courts eyes). You have to advocate for your baby and explain that she has never been away from you for such long periods and would be too stressed by an immediate separation. Suggest starting with a few hours at a time until the baby is comfortable with you. Talk to a lawyer if you think it's necessary. Studies have shown that babies removed from the care of their parents and placed in the care of strangers (in this case one parent IS a stranger) experience a significant amount of distress.

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:07 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • This could give her attachment issues in the future. Don't say that you don't want the baby's father to have a relationship, just that you want it to be built in the most healthy positive way. Good luck! You are a good mom for worrying! That's not "uptight" it's cautiously wary of your daughter's needs and comfort,

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:07 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.