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How to move on from a past affair? How to trust your husband again?How to stop being hurt? (sorry, very long. Please help!)

I'm 24, I have a three year old son.. My husband was the love of my life, when we were boyfriends he completely turned my world upside down...

 Later when I found out I was pregnant, things were being a little difficult between us, he didn't had time for me or even attending my phone calls.. I suspected there was something wrong.. We were separated for almost a month in which I had to travel to another country with my family. It was the most difficult time of my life since I hadn't told anyone but him about the pregnancy. I would go out in the middle of the night, walk long blocks on the coldest December ever for calling him.. He was never available.. When I came back he was distant.. He made up excuses for leaving early.. That's when I sort of hacked his email account and found out he was dating someone else, writing her emails in which he promised her the stars and the moon.

I got really depress, I remember not caring about my health anymore, Not sleeping, not eating, I would just cry while walking the entire city like a damn zombie or sth.. I just couldn't understand how could he be fooling around when I was already pregnant, with his baby on the way.. I felt betrayed not only as a lover, but as a friend... After that I tried leaving him but he begged and even got a place for starting over again, we got married and he was the most amazing husband ever, caring, tender, loyal..

We went through three difficult years... But between us everything was fine. The past few months I've been feeling so insecure. I cry and stress and get so paranoid about everything, I feel there's something going on.. We had a fight three months ago because he was writing on a woman's wall in Facebook, about calling her and when I confronted him because I didn't even know her, I mean, he knows everyone at my office! He said it was just somebody at work and he wasn't going to call her, it was a way of saying hello... I didn't believe it for a second... I got mad, sleep in another room and closed my Facebook account. No matter how much I asked he would deny.. Why I kept on asking? Because he denied everything in the first affair, even when he knew I had seen pictures!

 I Recently found out I'm pregnant, and it's been some complications, I'll know if this pregnancy is going any further within two weeks.. When I get my check up. We were very excited about the baby, I even though it was God giving me the chance of replacing the awful memories of the first one, being alone and all.. And yesterday I told him I wanted him to understand the commitment of this, because I was giving him not only my love, but my body.. It is my body that will be marked somehow... And I told him I wanted no more lies... No more flirting or anything.. And yesterday night (3 months after the last fight) I'm googling some stuff and the history pops open and I see he's been checking out Facebook profiles and pictures, same than last time... I cried and yelled and even threw up! I felt so angry... He then told me he had already closed it..

But it's not Facebook! It's him! I mean, I'm not saying he was cheating, although I wouldn't know for sure but why is that I don't need to be googling my exes? Or being in touch? I left in the morning and he got so pissed because I didn't woke him up for driving me.. He said he was angry because I wasn't taking care of myself and the baby because I walked a few blocks but I don't believe he cares about my health! I went back home and he wouldn't talk to me, then he would just be cynical with me... And I think.. How can you love someone when you are there watching them suffer and you don't feel a thing...

I know this must seem so silly for some people, like just walk out of there already but the thing is that I do believe in marriage, I do love him.. With all my heart... I've given up my life for him.. And Sometimes I feel like getting even! But I'm just not interested in no one else, I don't want another man... I know it won't change a thing... But I'm just so scared this might be it.. I don't know what to do.. I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm exhausted ad there's a baby on the way..

 
Vian.aram

Asked by Vian.aram at 10:52 AM on Jun. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (793 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • girlfriend I know how you feel. You will be fine... DON'T GET EVEN causing yourself more pain. In the days to come I want you to consider.... taking good care of you... you need this time away from him. Maybe God is trying to tell you something. Sometimes we don't know why things happen. Just stop beating yourself up and let those emotions heal. Sometimes we act on emotional love and that is very un-healthy. He just might be dealing with some issues that are hidden and haven't been resolved. He loves you... but in a sorta not grown-up responsible, ready to be a man-man way. Take care of yourself, spend time doing you and stop walking around late in the dark honey. When you get angry, get a dammit doll and shake the hell out of it and be done with the anger.

    Release, Relax, Revive your truths to yourself first, and talk to GOD about it.

    I'm here for ya... just begin to love yourself
    miamoma

    Answer by miamoma at 12:08 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp


    This is a REALLY good site for dealing with this!! I didn't read your whole post... but trust me, on that site you will find TONS of help, support and resources!! ;o)

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:58 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • It took me awhile to develope this theory in relationships, but now that i have been through enough heartache, i live by it. When someone betrays your trust and/or hurts you like this. You may never heal from it, you may never trust him again. And what is good about a relationship when you cant trust, and you have to constantly worry about what your so is doing? That is not a healthy nor happy relationship. I however do not have an "old school" belief in marriage. I dont believe you should be unhappy for the sake of keeping your family together. If you have tried to make it work., and it wont...then be done with it. I know your not in a position to take much action..but honestly , do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you cant trust? This may be a biased opinion, but i have found happiness by refusing to be with anyone whom i can not trust, and anyone who does not make me happy everyday!
    AydensMommy1109

    Answer by AydensMommy1109 at 11:08 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Hun, I lived with such a man for 11 years, half of which we were married. He cheated once, but he also spend way too much time on the computer on local and non-local groups for married but wanting to cheat and dating sites. Then he went back to college and decided acting like an unmarried teenager was the thing to do. We've been divorced 3 years.....i'm re-married and couldn't be happier. Years ago when my ex and I tried counseling after the affair he was told he was a sex addict and porn addict and needed additional counseling. He stood up, yelled "everyone is ganging up on me" and that was the end of that. Recently after doing the same to a girlfriend he admitted he was and is now living with his parents and getting help.

    Things can't change, trust cannot re-build when the man won't admit what he's doing and what he's done. He's in denial and at this point the behavior is an addition....CONT.
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 11:10 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • CONT.....nothing can change or get better until he can admit and get help in stopping.
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 11:11 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Sorry about your bad news. My ex cheated on me and would deny it too. You need to stay healthy for you and your baby though. Good luck
    My3Ez

    Answer by My3Ez at 11:27 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

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