Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Hurt ( and mad ) at SIL .

My sister in law has always talked about how many friends she has ( she was an only kid and was raided by her grandma, and so I think she basically will be friends with as many people as she can to make up for that ) ... if you meet her, 5 minutes later she will tell everyone you are her BFF ( I am serious I have seen it happen ) , every other day she has a brand new BFF and she will talk and talk about how close they are.

Anyways, we have gotten use to it, she will bail on our ( me and my family ) plans, to hang out with friends, and the few times she is around us she will talk only about her friends.

We have gotten use to this , but it still hurts, especially now that she is about to have my niece. She has said she doesn't want anyone at the hospital except her and my brother ( but he said he wants us there) , well come to find out, she has about 15 "friends" that " has to be there" . She has said she just wants to bond with the baby and so none of my brothers family is aloud to come over within the first 3 weeks ( my brother again, wants us to be there ) , but yet she has 3 friends who are going to live with her and help her out for the first week or 2. One of these friends has lost custody of her children, and the other is a huge druggie... but yet, we who are loving family memebrs who all has never lost custody, never done drugs or anything like this " are not aloud to see the baby".

My brother told me he wants me to babysit for his daughter when she goes back to work because he trusts me more than anyone she wants to take care of the baby... And she at one time even said I could, and that she was going to go back to work at 4 weeks. She also said in the same breath " but I have all of these friends who have to watch her too" ...

My brother has to go back to work after 1 week, so she told me today that when he goes back to work her and a group of her friends are going to take a vacation with the baby to Arizonia ( we are in Ohio) ... She then told me not to tell anyone ( like I am really not going to) .. i tried to be nice and just say things like " well at one week old you or the baby probably wont feel like traveling, especially that far , and that my brother would be pretty upset if you take his newborn daughter across the country" and she said well that is why it is "going to be a surprise" ..

But honestly I think the thing that bothers me the most is that I am really the only bio. aunt, and she is calling all of her friends aunts as well... she even had shirts made for them that say something about proud aunt ( that they are going to wear the the hospital) ...and most of them are people she has met just recently ( less than a year ago ) ... AND she says " they are so close, they will be in her daughters life forever" ... well they didnt even go to her babyshower becasue " they forgot" ... but yet me, the real aunt is the one that had to throw it and plan and pay for it... and yet I cant even go to the hospital !!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:18 AM on Jun. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Have you tried to talk to her about this?

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 11:21 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • sounds like this chick is to incopetent to be having a baby anyway..if I were you I would tell your brother what her plans are and go from there..I wouldnt worry about being left out either bc soon enough all of those so called friends will walk out when they see that a baby is work..then when she has only one person to call (you) just take the phone off the hook or ignore her for a day or two..then when you do talk tell her that you didnt appreciate how you were treated..

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 11:23 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Yeah, my mom has tried to talk to her too, saying sometimes family needs to come first especially at a time like this and all she said was " I am soooo close to them" ...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:25 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • She wont run out of friends because she always finds new ones lol...

    We met her 2 years ago and and she has only one friend from then still around ( and she hardly talks to her ) ... all of these people that she is so close to , are all new, every week we meet atleast 1 or 2 new ones.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:26 AM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • You need to make sure your brother knows she is planning to take the baby out of state. Your brother should also start documenting any/all instances where she is making poor decisions in relation to the care of the child. That information will be invaluable at the custody hearings.

    She sounds very insecure and immature. I wouldn't expect her to stick around very long. When she does decide to leave, you need to have your ducks in a row so that she doesn't evaporate with your niece.

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 12:00 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • it sounds like she has an acceptance problem, my SIL does that too, her high school friend brought a car here to the house so she can "store" it here and suddenly she was her bff and always talked about her but in reality, her high school friend only contacted her to have a place to store the car and just needed someone to use, she was never her real life friend.

    it doesnt matter what you say to these kind of people who are always looking for acceptance because they dont want you to be wrong. Its all about acceptance and that is why she doesnt include family or put family first because she figures you already accept her and if you were strangers, she'd invite you too to the hospital.

    and she WANTS to give her baby to these "friends" so she knows that she will be forever accepted and wont lose thes friends. high school behavior?..yes i think so.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 12:09 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • and i think she'll make every excuse in the book for any shitty friend she became "friends" with, she wants the attention and acceptance and will deny any of them have any problems and her bragging about these "friends"...she wants you guys to praise her and feel jealous that there's people above you and apparently so much better then family.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 12:17 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Prepare yourself. This situation is going to get alot worse and it may never improve. The 'real'' victim here is her child. Try to keep that in mind. At the same time, I implore you to tell your brother about her 'trip' she has planed. Don't be surprised if your SIL starts acting like she's some kind of Devine entity because she's a mommy after this kid is born. She's got all the signs. So sad.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 2:16 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
*Sigh* Another vent...

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
Is this normal....