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How can I get my 7 and 5 yr old boys to listen and do what they are told???? (I'm so fed up)

We have 3 boys (ages 2, 5, & 7). Both the older boys talk back, hit, punch and etc with us and each other. Now their 2 yr old brother is seeing and hearing all this and is starting to already act unruly. My husband works long and weird hours. I am at my wits end with these boys. I have begged them for 2 days to clean their room (it will only take them 5 minutes to clean it too), and all they do is talk back and not do it. How can I get them to listen? Is it wrong of me to say that I am going to take everything away from them, except their beds and clothes? What kind of punishment does everyone use? Time out doesn't work for these boys either. I just want control back, and for us to be a happy respectful family. When our boys go elsewhere with people/friends or are at church and school everyone says they are just the most respectful and nicest boys. My husband and I both look at each other and say they must have the wrong boys, that can't be our boys they are talking about. Can someone PLEASE help me/us?!?!?!

Thanks - Christina

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cwelch2008

Asked by cwelch2008 at 12:23 PM on Jun. 8, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 4 (49 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • Put them in time out in different rooms. Be consistent! If they move put them back! Don't talk to them.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 12:26 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • OMG...are you really talking about my kids?? LOL. don't threaten...I am working on doing what I say I am going to do. Friend me so we can chat!!!
    mkdirector2011

    Answer by mkdirector2011 at 12:28 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Set a timer and tell them when it goes off if they don't have everything picked up by the time it goes off everything is going in garbage bags and being either thrown away,donated or put up for x amount of time. I go by the length of a show with my kids so they understand and I keep telling them time is alomst up you better hurry up. I've had to bag things up a couple times,but now they get the point.
    happymama02

    Answer by happymama02 at 12:32 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Wow, are you peeking in my windows and posting about what you see?? LOL :) I have a 7yr old boy, and 21mo old baby girl, and one on the way :) but my 7 yr old just up& stopped listening one day, not long ago, he will not pick up his messes, wont stop carrying around his sister, even tho she screams& let's him know she hates it. Its almost like he does everything he can do to do the opposite of what I want him to do. My husband is gone long hours at work too, so I understand! I feel like a frazzeled single mom, trying to get house, kids, and myself presentable before he gets home. My nerves are shot, I know its no fun coming home to an impatient wife, and screaming kids! Idk what to do! If you figure something out, PLEASE let me know! LOL :) good luck!
    mommy_33_

    Answer by mommy_33_ at 12:33 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • your post made me chuckle. Reminds me of how it was with my cousins. 2 of them were boys pretty close in age and they sounded a LOT like your boys now. Maybe taking everything away except their beds could work. But my aunt tried something a lot like that with my older boy cousin. It didn't work so well. He held out for a long time, and got sympathy from everyone he could about how badly his mother was treating him. Since he was considered to be such a 'sweet well behaved boy' a lot of people couldn't imagine him being the terror he really was.
    Once she got the impression that someone from their church was going to call social services on her she lifted the punishment.
    Turns out she was more fearful of someone coming over and seeing her messy house (that's being nice) than she was of my cousin's behavior.
    I wish you well with this one!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Come up with consequences that work for them and that aren't going to drive you nuts to enforce. Sit them down and explain to them the behaviors on their part that have made this necessary, what the rules are, what the consequences are, and then follow through every time. It won't work overnight. Consequences we use include: separating them if they are being mean to each other, if they keep getting in each other's space after separation we assign chores in seperate parts of the house, when I have to repeat myself too much I make them write sentences ala Bart Simpson since they obviously need the repetition about the rules but I am sick of repeating myself, assigning heavy duty chores if they do something that costs me time or money, loss of any privileges that they have been abusing. On the room issue, I'd give them a set amount of time to get the room clean or assign a consequences (take their stuff away or scrub toilets etc)
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:35 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • I know what I have done. Tell them once to pick things up and let them know if it's not done. by the time I check on them, if it's not done. All thier things are going inot a bag that I keep until they show some respect for us, and our house. The dole things out as they start to behave. yes the will scream and throw huge fits, but stick to your guns and don't give an inch. Somehow, somewhere they've learned that they rule the house not you.
    daps

    Answer by daps at 12:38 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • I'd ask them one more time very stearnly to clean there room. If they start acting up and refuse to do it...don't say another word..go grab a box of garbage bags , go into thier room and start throwing all thier toys in the bags. They will follow you and they will scream bloody murder. Simply say, I have warned you, you both have chosen not to listen, now this is what happens.
    Stay strong, don't bend. Take all thier toys for the rest of the week..see if thier attitudes change, tell them they can "earn " toys back with good behavior.Give one item back at a time as earned...if they act up, take it away again. Be consistant with it.
    And trust me..your not the only one to go through this..my oldest son was and is a terror,lol.Good Luck.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:40 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • I want to say Thank You to every one who left a comment... I will definitely try anything to help. I will post what happens in the next couple of days. Thanks again so very much for all the input.
    cwelch2008

    Comment by cwelch2008 (original poster) at 12:48 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • I would give them a choice, ask them do they want to have their room cleaned by x time or x time, let them know if its not done by that time you will be taking things away. Leave it at that and when its not done follow thru, they will learn the hard way but it will work.

    Just be patient and don't yell. check out Love and Logic, it really works and it gives you some great tools to work with.

    Good luck.
    choco_mom

    Answer by choco_mom at 2:17 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

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