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Was it really too much to ask? adult content

*vent*

Yesterday I told hubby that we would be having chicken parm for dinner. When he got home from work the first thing he says is "I don't smell anything" Well, no, because it's only 4:30! He said he was joking and that he would help me make it. Awesome!
Except, not! He starts playing a video game. Fine, whatever. I didn't ask for/need his help to make dinner, I planned on doing it by myself anyway. Well here comes the 14month old, crying at my feet while I'm cutting raw chicken. "Baby, Mommy's hands are yucky right now, I can't hold you" Hint hint to hubby, right? Right over his head. So I try a more direct approach. "Hey, Babe? Can you come get Luke, I'm cutting chicken and I think he needs his diaper changed." Success!
Until 5 minutes later when I have a newly changed bay at my feet, crying and whining, while I am breading the chicken. So now my hands are covered in raw chicken, raw egg, and bread crumbs. I have to ask hubby to come get him again.
So 5 minutes later, when I am frying the chicken in a pan on the stove, guess who is at my feet? Now I'm pissed. It has now officially passed from annoying to dangerous. As I'm taking the chicken out of the pan, a piece falls and hits the baby and I flip out!
Hubby's stance is "I got him twice for you, but he doesn't want me, what do you want me to do?"
Ummm I don't know... hold him? Play with him? Somehow distract him to keep him out of the kitchen while I have HOT FUCKING OIL on the stove? "Is it too much to ask you to keep him busy"
You know what he said? "Is it too much to ask you to clean the house?"
OMG does he thing a fairy comes in and washes, folds, and puts away his clothes? The same fairy must wash the dishes, clean the kitchen, and vacuum as much as she can with our BROKEN vacuum everyday(only the hose works, plus after one room it overheats or something and shuts itself off and won't turn on again for hours. We have a new one on layaway).
I am SORRY our house doesn't make Better Homes & Gardens but it is not dirty! It may be cluttered and a little messy, but it is not dirty! He says when HE cleans, the place looks spotless. And you know what, he's right. When HE cleans I hve the boys out somewhre all day and he isn't also taking care of them. So SO WHAT?
I'm just so pissed that our baby could have gotten hurt and all he has to say is that he's not satisfied with the way I clean the house. UGH! I clean for HOURS everyday and if I didn't he would KNOW.
I went for a walk and didn't come bck for 2 hours and we haven't spoken. Should I apologize for flipping out? Or for walking out? I feel like shit right now, I hate fighting with him. But he hurt my feelings! Made me feel inadequate and missed the point about the baby possibly getting hurt.

 
Nicoles2LilRams

Asked by Nicoles2LilRams at 12:41 PM on Jun. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,161 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I agree with Anon's points, and with Meooma's too. But I always think after a fight someone has to be the bigger person and start the apologies. I usually find there is some aspect of a fight that I can be sorry for- in your case clearly you aren't sorry that you can't cook dinner and tend to a baby so Daddy can play video games, at the same time you could be sorry for not being more clear in your request and/or for walking out (although sometimes a cool off period is a good idea). I always try to apologize for whatever I can find to be sorry for, and then to explain why I was upset and hopefully that leads to an apology from the DH and some sort of resolution for moving forward, like that maybe your DH can take responsibility for the little one so you can cook. Maybe give him 30 minutes to unwind from work and play games and then he can take over so you can cook- taking the baby outside or somewhere he is distracted will help
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:12 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • When he made the house cleaning comment he probably didn't know what else to say. He was probably frustrated that he wasn't getting anywhere with the baby.

    do you have a play pen to put the baby in when you need him to stay out of the kitchen? can you put up a gate at the door of the kitchen to keep the baby away from it all?

    In your husband's case maybe it is asking too much if he can't handle it.

    "Made me feel inadequate and missed the point about the baby possibly getting hurt. "
    I think you should tell him that he hurt your feelings and made you feel inadequate. Did you tell him flat out that the baby could get hurt if he didn't keep him out of the kitchen? if not, then I say don't be upset if he didn't realize. sensible or not, all to often dropping hints just does NOT work with men.
    I think that until you work out a way to prevent this with your husband, then it's just going to happen again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Sorry to tell you he is a man...he does more then my SO does...I have had to stop wash my hands and break kids up that were fighting all why he is sitting in the living room with them watching t.v. lol...just put it passed u and move on...no sence in brating a dead horse and no need to apologize unless you feel you were wrong.
    happymama02

    Answer by happymama02 at 12:55 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • He needs to learn to fight/argue fair. You frustration with him over him not being able to entertain Luke has nothing to do with house cleaning. He was wrong for not keeping Luke out of the kitchen during the entire time you were cooking but he was also wrong for bringing up any other topic when you were angry about his inability or unwillingness to play with Luke. I'd be pointing several of his errors out to him at my first opportunity.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 1:00 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • My husband was like for the first few years. I understand that he works and all and didnt really understand our daughters whines, cries and how to calm her. But trying to get him to help so I could fold laundry or cook dinner was like pulling teeth. It wasnt until we seperated for a few months that he learned how to deal with her. He would call me and complain that she was crying and wanted to come back to my place, I finally told him "your her father, figure it out" "how is it fair that you can bring her back her when she acts like that but I dont have that option, why should you". I'm not saying get seperated. We had other issues but we wroked through them and are back together. Things are way better and he helps a lot more. Try talking to hubby, calmly, about he made you feel and why you snapped. He might just need down time after work and doesnt understand how you feel and that you need down time too.
    SMG1120

    Answer by SMG1120 at 1:09 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • IMO- I wouldnt apologize, Im always teh apologizer because my hubby in his head somehwere thinks that he can do no wrong. Yeah it gets annoying and sometimes his ad wont fit thru the door. But I go thru the things. My hubb will be on the computer and I will tell him 6 times to take Aiden- and not just take him to the living room, but take him and play with him, my kid may be tiny but when he knows food is out and being preped, he wants it right then! Ugh SOO frustrating! Id maybe talk to him about it and be like hey- I need you to try this, and give him a few tips on how to handle Luke when your cooking. But I wouldnt apologize.
    kgrine

    Answer by kgrine at 1:54 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • i don't think you should have to lock your son away. he should pay more attention to your child since family is more important then the stupid video games. yelling at him only made him more defensive but he knows he was wrong. he is just to proud to admit it. you can be the first to be the peace maker or see if he is. which i doubt since pride keeps people from being so. although i think your right with his behavior and your feelings but your both are wrong here on the end result and how you handled the situation.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 2:20 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • I really can't believe the responses. She should lock up the baby with a gate or playpen and "keep her attitude in check". The problem was a man who would rather play video games than be a father. Good to see so many people still think this is 1950.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • i wouldnt apologize.. not at all...
    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 12:50 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Don't you have a highchair or playyard he could have put the baby in?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 12:56 PM on Jun. 8, 2011