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2 Bumps

"Mean girls" mother in law and sisters in law....

I want to start out by saying that the reason this bothers me so much ( to make me actually make a post about it) .. is that I am mad at myself for letting it bother me ( if that makes sense) ... and I am wondering on how others would handle this ?

I have been very happily married for the last 6 years, and I have 2 wonderful kids. I have always had self confidence and I have never worried about the way i looked or lived... until I met my inlaws.

My mother in law and sisters in law are all tall, super skinny, blonde women who devote their time to making a carreer ( SiLs both have high up jobs that they spend 10+ hours a day), they constantly work out, they also all have super mcmansions including people who clean it and watch their kids while they live that life....

Then there is me, a 'curvy" brunette who grew up on a farm, who devotes my time to take care of my house and kids...

They are very uppity acting ( basically snobby) and they make little jokes about my weight ( which I want to add, I would honestly chose my body over theirs -- I am not unhealthy, I am not even fat - I just have a little extra jiggle, and my husband isnt complaining so I dont see why they are) ... For example, MIL posted a photo on Facebook of me standing in the middle of SILs ( it was at a mothers day get together) ... and her comment under it said " obviously the 2 on the ends are mine" ... someone else commented on it and say " nancy, that doesn't sound too nice lol" so she put " didn't mean to - after all she has a very pretty face" ... On Thanksgiving I made alot of food to take to there and none of them ate it because they said it is hard to tell how much butter and stuff I put in it ( even though the men loved the food)... another time when they were going shopping and said " we didnt mean to not invite you, but we just didnt want to make you uncomfortable because the store probably didnt have your size, AND both times I was pregnant we invited my MIl to go along to an appt ( she she could hear her grandchilds heartbeat) and she made a scene both times by asking my DR if my weight was causing any damage for the baby ( he told her not at all ) ... I really cannot go a day around them without a little comment like these

My house is my dream house ( its a cottage house)... I love decorating it , I even love cleaning it... I know every detail of my house.... It isnt even that small - i have a large family and they can all fit comfortably in it... but yet they refuse to come over because they say it is too small and they just wouldnt feel comfortable in it.... Well honestly I do not feel comfortable in their houses... they are so big and plain ( every wall is white and some just have some fancy looking art piece) ... but I dont say anything about it to them because I wont be rude like that.... They will talk about " you guys could have a nice house like this if you werent a stay at home mom " .. my husband at first use to say " nah, we are happy where we are" ,but now it makes him mad so he grits his teeth so he doesnt say something mean...

It just makes me upset... I have never done anything to them, I went into this marriage actually expecting a sisterly relationship with them... but instead they actually try to set my husband up with their friend ( who could be their triplet) ...

I just dont see how we could ever be a happy family or even a regular family with them... my husband said he has pretty much already given up with them and is fine only seeing them on Holidays and that he is fine having my family as his... but I dont think he should have to feel that way !!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on Jun. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I'd limit all contact with them. Only when hubs insisted would I join any kind of a family gathering. I would NEVER be in another photo with any of them. Just smile and nod your head when talking to them because honestly they really don't care about anything you say or do. Karma..pray for karma.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 1:47 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Your husband doesn't mind not being around them - and why should he - after all they are mean and rude. Basically, count yourself lucky to have gotten the good one out of the bunch and make your own little family (you, your hubby and your kids) the best you can. Leave the rest to be in their own world of appearances while you are in the world of family. You will be happier (c:
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 1:47 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Oh, honey, they do sound like mean girls. I am so sorry they are so hurtful. Sometimes I read people's posts and think they are overreacting but the comments about your weight are just so rude and mean. I think you just have to keep reminding yourself that you have the life you want- you're happy with who you are, with your DH and your home. That has to be enough- and it's more than a lot of people have. It's natural to want others to approve of your life, and especially to want that approval from family, but we don't always get that lucky. It sounds like your SIL's know that feeling, except they want you to approve of (and live by) their rules of two-income families to support a big house and hired help, and I would bet some of their comments come from their own secret insecurites of not being home enough or involved enough, etc. I would not cut them out but put some distance between you all and be honest if they ask why. GL!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:50 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • They grew up with different priorities than you. There is nothing you can do. I am not trying to say what they do is ok, because its not, but it sounds like some people I know too, and truly, I have tried everything... And they are still the same superficial, egotistical, self centered, snobby people I know. They have litereally said "I dont know how you stay at your house all day with your daughter, I would go crazy." and my reply was "unlike you, I atually enjoy raising my kid". Sigh... Just be happy with the life you have, and forget them. They arent worth your time, if they cant bring anything positive to your life. Be as civil as you can, when you have to be around them, but continue to lead your life, with your family and friends, as you do. Some people are just like that.
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 1:51 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Yikes! sounds like they speak thier mind and can't accept others how they are! its a good idea to distant yourselves but its up to them if they want to continue their rude snarky comments or be an accepting family. It really has nothing to do with you, i can see how it affects you though but i would hide their stuff on FB so you arent tempted to comment or like and show them that you really DONT care about them, maybe they will realize that they want their brother in thier life so to hold back any nasty comments in the future.

    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 1:53 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Laugh an no what you have is just as good
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:54 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • If they are making comments like this to you, they sound like a bunch of very insecure and probably unhappy women.

    They are probably treating you this way to make themselves feel better.

    I'm sorry they behave like this to you. it's very sad.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 2:12 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • I would probably just limit my contact with them. I don't even think I would want to subject my kids to their materialism. When you have to spend time with them and they make snide comments you can just laugh and say 'well, bless your heart'. They won't get it, but you can have your own little laugh about your complisult. When they make comments about you not working you can just say that you can't imagine missing your children growing up and not being there when they need you, depending on a stranger to do the job for you. It's one thing if both parents have to work, but one shouldn't be belittled because the choice is there to make.  Good luck, they sound like a hand-full.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:28 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • my life is the same way with my dh's family..my mil and sil are total wenches..except they live in double wides and i live in a brick house..we are all heavy set..but the mil always put me down when me and dh were dating..she used to get the sil to spy on me when my dh was out of town..she always put my dh down telling him he would never amount to anything bc he had two children out of wedlock..which looks bad i know but he has changed his life around...shes his stepmom...anyway he is a forman at his job works out of town we go with him we all have new cars and trucks and a camper etc..always buying something...now our new name tag is "the drugdealers" his stepmom just cannot accept that he has turned out to be wonderful and accomplished..and it burns her a new one that im a stay at home mom and have been for yrs! Honey my best advice is blow them off..hold your head up and if possible cut them out of your life!! I did IM Hppy
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 3:27 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Holiday visits would be the best, it may take ya'll the whole year to "re-coup" for next year. Good luck mama, and I for one CM is EXTREMELY proud to feel your confidence running through your post. Screw them, listen to your DH, see them on holidays, and keep on living that happy life you live!!!!
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 3:52 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

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