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What would you honestly do ?

I have I son and 2 grandchildren that are grown with their own families ... I recently was working on my will because of some medical issues I know I will not be on this earth for much more time... I had a few peices of paper where I was trying to figure things out, one day I had a "surprise" visit and I forgot I had my stuff on the kitchen counter... and of course one of them seen it and brought it to attention to the rest...

and needless to say someone is mad.

I planned on leaving my son and my grandaughter the same amount of money - which isnt that bad of an amount... But I had planned on leaving my grandson and his family a little bit more...


the reasons being , my GS and his family do alot for me, his wife comes over almost everyday to help me out with the house or just to sit and talk ( and she is a talker) .... they do not have that much money ( even though he works hard) but they still make the best of it, they take care of the things they do have, they do everything for their young children and I just think very highly of them.

My son and grandaughter , I love very much, but i hardly see them, and when i do they act as if I should be greatful to have them stop over, the last time I asked my grandaughter if she could take me to a doctor appointment ( grandsons wife went on a field trip with her daughter that day - usually she takes me to them) , and she acted as if I asked her to commit and crime. She is already kind of well off with money, her husband and herself both of well to do jobs, their kids are in private schools ( which means they have the money to pay for it ) , and they are always buying new things ( like cars and electronics) .... The same goes for my son, he has never had a problem with money, he too can buy alot fo new things, and just like GD , doesnt take care of their things and has no problem just throwing things away...

When they found out what I was planning on doing it turned into a big thing, GD started saying that GS only visits so he can get money and I fell for it and silly things like that.... they have NEVER asked for or taken any money from me, when they visit, I can tell they actually enjoy being around me ( sometimes I have to pretend to be tired so they will leave LOL ) ...

I honestly just do not feel right leaving them all the same amount when I think he and his family deserve it more... But it just makes me feel awful that my own son and GD would act like this, or do you think they have a right to be upset ?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Jun. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (25)
  • Wow, it takes weddings, babies, and death to bring out the worst in families. Sorry you should have to deal with this, I do understand why your DS and GD initially got upset, but MOST normal people when they hear the reasoning behind it should step back and take stock in their own lives and attitudes. I hope you can convince your son and GD to respect your wishes, and you are right in your decision. Good luck mama!!! And God Bless you.
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 2:03 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Do they have a right? No. But that won't stop them. Unfortunately money tears families apart and it's a shame. But in the end, it is YOUR money and you have every right to do whatever you want with it. Not to mention, I think your reasoning is right on point. I don't think you should change your will just to please your son and GD but I'd hate to see them mad at you over something so petty. Maybe you can "secretly" give your GS and his family the "extra" money beforehand, and leave everything evenly in your will?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • i think your son is acting out of guilt, and he should feel guilty. most of the time, the 'smeller's the feller'..meaning his accusations that the other only visits to get a bigger piece of your pie really tell more of why he himself hangs out with you, even as little as he does.

    i'd tell the 'smellers' to go jump in the lake and shut the heck up..you have the right to do whatever you want with your estate/assets/will and its nobody's business. PERIOD! in fact, i'd be tempted to take the 'smellers' out of the will, and give more to those you think deserve more, or leave it to some charity..
    btw..no one DESERVES what you have to give them. you give to them because you want to. that's where your son is so wrong; he does not deserve the difference in a penny or a $1000..he'll get what you want him to have.
    he sounds very selfish..and guilty. good luck!
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 2:05 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • I think they are being greedy. If they wanted to act like that with me I'd leave the grandson everything and them nothing since they want to be selfish. I couldn't imagine figting over my grandmother's stuff, that is aweful. *hugs*
    josiesmommy00

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 2:06 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • It is your money and you can divide it up the way you see fit. No they have no right to be upset. It is sad that money makes people so CRAZY!!! You divide it the way you want to and leave it at that. It's no one's business. And that is what I would say to anyone who brings it up!!!
    Good Luck and God Bless!!
    mkdirector2011

    Answer by mkdirector2011 at 2:06 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • No, I do not. I find that completely distateful at the very least. I have an uncle who is in a similar situation. He thinks he deserves all his mother's and late father's possessions including their house. That will not happen, all proceeds are to be divided equally among all the siblings, and he threw a fit. The family all has a hard time dealing with his entitled attitude especially considering he does nothing for his mother and never helped with his father's care as he was dying. So no, having some personal experience with this, I think what you are doing is fine. It's your life, your will and you do what you see fit.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • I think you should do what you feels right, and I don't think they have a right to feel upset. People get really weird when it comes to these things, and I've seen families torn apart over wills and such.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 2:08 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • I would go ahead and give the money to the grandson and his family before you pass away and then leave everthing in the will evenly split.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:16 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Do what you feel is right!
    kyheavensmom

    Answer by kyheavensmom at 2:17 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

  • Its your will & your hard earned money! I'd give more to the people who make me feel loved too!! =)
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 2:23 PM on Jun. 8, 2011

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