Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Not causing fights with MIL over my parenting

How? How do you keep cool? Because I'm gonna rip her head off if she calls my son not a normal baby because he's formula fed ever again. Sorry I'm on estrogen right now and not tolerating it well but it's for a good cause but living with this woman or sometimes just talking to her tends to make me fuming mad.

it wasn't just that it was when she had to tell me that she didn't believe in his milk protein allergy. She's somehow an expert on formula (meaning she knows how horrifically bad for you it is because she read it somewhere) even though she didn't even know that there are different types. I know that some people on here are very pro nursing and I'm fine with that but how can a woman say that there is no such thing as a case when breastfeeding is bad for the baby when her niece has galactosemia?
We've clashed over our choice to circumcise him(she thinks they still do it without pain meds),not co sleeping(even though he kicks in his sleep), even our choice to put him on medicine for his reflux and his ASTHMA turns into a fight.
How do you keep things peaceful until our names come up on the waiting list and can move out? Because now she's offended when I leave the room. So I need a new coping technique for when I think she's trying to kill my son by saying that we shouldn't give a baby asthma medicine or goes on about how he wouldn't have these issues if you'd just stuck it out.
If nothing else thank you for letting me vent.

Answer Question
 
lizziebreath

Asked by lizziebreath at 2:43 AM on Jun. 9, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 19 (6,846 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I'm no expert, but it appears that you don't have too many options. You don't say anything about your DH & where he stands on all this--he really ought to intercede & tell his mom to back off. If he can't put his foot down about this behavior, get ready for a lifetime of disagreements & hurt feelings! Have you tried to negotiate a truce? "I won't criticize_____if you will stop criticizing me." Otherwise:
    1) Move
    2) Ignore her & don't get into arguments w/ her (it takes 2 to have an argument!)
    3) Spend time w/ friends
    GL
    suemayonline

    Answer by suemayonline at 3:22 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Good Luck - I don't have any idea what I would do if I had to live with my in laws. SueMayOnline is right - if he's not willing to back you up & stand up to his family now then get ready for a lifetime of if it.
    Her being offended because you walk out is HER issue - not yours. If she asks why you do it just calmly explain to her that you are not going to argue with her and that you are leaving the room to avoid any further problems. If she follows you then leave the house for a bit. Take the baby for a walk, or a drive. Go take a shower, or give the baby a bath. Anything to put a door between the two of you. Hopefully she will get the hint.
    shareleann

    Answer by shareleann at 3:51 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • My MIL is does not think my son should have been on his medications. As an infant he was on medicine for acid reflux, asthma, allegies, soy formula, and a whole host of other medicines scheduled through out the day. And don't forget antibiotics when the ear infections and other infections came up. Some weird belief that doctors just hand out medicos like crazy to make more money. And she is a nurse....she should know better. I came to realize it is a generational issue. Children today really do have more illness, more chronic illness, and more developmental issues than in her generation. There are many theories as to the why's but it doesn't help grandparents who truly think this set of parents are nuts. It was her generation and several before her who infected our food with mass peticides and insecicides, established the use of strong indoor pesticides, created toys and containers with excessive lead and other
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:38 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Chemicals. Why I don't hold her personally responsible parents of small kids now are not crazy but our children are victims of environmental damage. I left out books for her to read, magazine articles, and took her to several doctors appointments for her to hear how serious his health issues are. She now concludes it is his diet. I must be feeding him wrong. Sigh. While I am sure diet does help control his disorders better it will never be tge magic cure. I just ignore it. She can't argue with me if I don't give into it. She can talk to tge walls with me in tge room but it doesn't change a thing.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:43 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • move -- if you live with her you will have to hear it.. she's not going to stop... my experience with people living with me.
    Camilletnt

    Answer by Camilletnt at 7:56 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Because you are under 'her" roof...she feels she has a right to say what she feels to you, about you, about the baby etc etc...It's probably not going to stop. Get out and on your own asap, until then. try to be around her as little as possible. I would find reasons to not be hanging around the house with her even if I had to go window shopping for awhile each day.
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 8:40 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • While I don't agree with her, or you for that matter, because I too have a hard time believing that a child this young has all of these issues without something being a contributing factor to it, what young mothers do not realize is that us older mothers who have raised children already have seen the damage done to children because of what "doctors" have tried thinking it was best. We also have seen the opposite and what works. I do not think she should be trying to start an argument with you, but pointing things out that we have seen over the years isn't wrong. Young mothers tend to just go with what doctors and teachers say because they think they are the "experts" when in reality the parent is the only expert on that child, no one knows that child better than the parent.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 8:53 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • He doesn't have anything that wasn't already in the family. We've had problems with milk as babies for so long in my family that we have an old family recipe for soy formula that goes back to at least the 20's and I have asthma and his father has allergies so there was probly no way to avoid that. Generally he doesn't have anything that we can't point to in a direct family member with the same thing. Heck I thought antibiotics were the big controversial medication and he's never had any.
    There's an apartment shortage so we're on the waiting list but we're probly just going to move in with my Mom because even DH is starting not to be able to stand his Mother.
    lizziebreath

    Comment by lizziebreath (original poster) at 2:30 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I would simply say (in your sweetest tone possible) My pediatrician and I have discussed this, and we have decided that.____ (fill in the blank) is the best way to go. I'm sure you understand that what is best for one child, isn't for another. EVERY time she says it! She'll catch the hint eventually! Don't argue, just state this same comment, and don't leave the room. If she goes on, talk to your child "oh sweetie, we're listening to the doctor aren't we" lol or something to that effect! Don't give her the satisfaction of letting her rattle you!
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 7:09 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Perhaps you should drag her to the pediatrician with you to discuss. Is she a doctor? Have you really just blown your cool and told her how you really feel? I know you are dependant the home but once in a while you just have to put someone in their place.
    hotelmom123

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 3:55 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.