Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Why Can't He Just Grow The F**k up? adult content

So, to make a long story short, my uncle is fifty-five years old and has never lived away from home. My grandparents have made excuses for everything he has ever done since he was a child, blaming his teachers, his friends, his siblings, themselves. He has never had to accept the consequences for anything. He uses illegal drugs in the house (pot, crystal meth, speed, ect.) and has his dealers in the house all the time. He walked all over my grandparents, stole their money, treated them like shit, yelling and screaming and cussing and calling them filthy names every time he didn't get his way. He has never worked a steady job because he knows more then all of his bosses and either quits because they won't do things his way or gets fired for mouthing off. My grandparents have been completely supporting him for his entire life and he still swears that everything they do for him is owed to him, because he's been taking care of them since his older brother died which isn't true because his older brother died about a year before I was born and they were able to take care of themselves then and were still working and my grandmother was babysitting my sister and I so my parents could work and they were doing for themselves and were even able to travel out of state on vacation until I was about fifteen. My uncle changes reality to suit his own purpose and to make himself look like he was right. Like when my mother told him that he was using the wrong fuses in the fuse box and shouted and ranted and rave about how he was right, and then, later when the fuses blew and nearly caught the house on fire he was shouting that he told us that those were the wrong fuses and it was our fault and wouldn't listen when every witness to the argument said he was wrong. My grandparents couldn't even have peace in their own house without having to walk on eggshells because they were afraid to set him off. Most of the family won't have anything much to do with him anymore and he even blames that on my mother, because she's telling lies about him.

 

Almost a year ago my mother found out about him stealing my grandparents' money and my grandfather gave her Power of Attorney and took control of their finances from my uncle. He was livid. He yelled and screamed and made threats to my grandparents, my mother, and I, because I was helping out. He refused to do anything for my grandparents so I started spending a lot of time there before summer was over and I had to go back to work and then I was spending most evenings and weekends there and my mother and sisters and brother taking care of them when we could. Then, when I was over there once, we got into a fight and he called me a fucking bitch and later a fucking cunt and when I told him not to speak to me like that, especially, in front of my daughter, he threatened to beat the hell out of me. My three year old got upset and started crying and told him not to yell at her mommy like that and he told her "Shut the hell up, you little bitch! I'll talk to your mother how I want." Which resulted in him getting to spend the evening in the Emergency Room with his nose broken. My mother was glad that I punched him before she could have gotten to him because she was doing the dishes and, after I broke his nose, she realized that she had gone after him and had a butcher knife in her hands. After that, my mother decided that it was time to do something. She got a restraining order and tried to get him in to rehab but he refused so she settled for just putting him out of the house. He has repeatedly violated the restraining order at every turn and is swearing that my mother and I are stealing my grandparents' money and has even accused us of trying to kill them, and still my grandparents make excuses for him.

 

Well, as of a few weeks ago my grandmother went to the hospital and they did all they could but we have found out that she is dying and doesn't have very much time left. She is now in hospice care and is mostly unresponsive and my mother has been staying with her as much as she can so that she doesn't die alone. Because his mother is dying, my mother has allowed my uncle to visit but he is still trying to raise hell and cause problems. He reported to the authorities that my mother was poisoning my grandmother and has done his best to pick fights at his own mother's deathbed.

 

I don't know what to do. I am loosing my grandmother, a woman who has loved me and taken care of me and been there for me my entire life and this is hitting me, my parents, my siblings, their kids, and my daughter very hard. I don't understand why he can't grow up and not make this about him for once. He picks fights every time he comes to see her and my mother has even made him leave a couple of times, and once security did, and he is telling everyone that my mother is refusing to let him see his dying mother because she doesn't want to hear the truth about what she is doing. He made a half-assed attempt at an apology, one of those "I'm sorry that you made me misbehave" apologies, and then started complaining that my mother just wouldn't accept the truth about herself. I'm sitting at my grandmother's side, watching her waste away and die, trying my best not to cry in front of her and he is sitting across from me, trying to pick a fight, trying to tell me that my mother is poisening my grandmother. I don't know what to do. I need some advice. Has anyone else had to go through this?

Answer Question
 
Razzle_Dazzle1

Asked by Razzle_Dazzle1 at 6:41 AM on Jun. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,775 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • You can't do much of anything but it is remarkable I have a 56 yr old family member, female, who sounds EXACTLY like this guy.
    blackisbetter

    Answer by blackisbetter at 6:44 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Then I pity you greatly...
    Razzle_Dazzle1

    Comment by Razzle_Dazzle1 (original poster) at 6:45 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • ugh! Im sorry mama.....that reminds me of my brother he is just like that on drugs ect. lives with my ma and causes trouble and his dumbass wife doesnt do much but sit on her fat ass all day eain my moms food....im really sorry about your grandmother i wish you and your family the best!!!! <3
    raeyliNlilysmom

    Answer by raeyliNlilysmom at 6:52 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • eaTing* sorry keyboard fail
    raeyliNlilysmom

    Answer by raeyliNlilysmom at 6:53 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • thats a long story short ? :) He he just kidding. Thanks for sharing. If he is still doing drugs, and you know it and you know when/where and all that....call the cops..and keep calling them. Who will bail him out?
    MissyNewMama

    Answer by MissyNewMama at 7:54 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Wow that is messed up.. I agree about calling the cops.. an u know u can have a court order to put him in rehab..
    kiki637

    Answer by kiki637 at 8:15 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Some people just cannot see past themselves to realize that there is more at stake than what they can get.

    Honestly, I would stop playing nice. He is causing a scene at a public facility around elderly people that stress can cause more problems. I would have him removed and restrained from going there. He will not learn so take him out of the equation.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:36 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • wow...are you related to my DH's family? His uncle is the same effing way...still living in a shitty old trailer in his mothers back yard smoking dope & doing drugs. No job, no life. He is also in his late 50's. He thinks that when his mother dies, she will give him everything. We're all hoping that she won't do that. She has also made excuses for her son & just enables him to be a stupid mooching bum.

    I would talk to security & not allow him in there. I know it's his mother, but her last days need to be peaceful. Possibly, once your grandparents are gone y'all can cut contact with him. He seems like a toxic fellow, he should not be part of y'alls life.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:38 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I did tell him that if he ever talked to me or my daughter like that again then I would break his neck instead of his nose.
    Razzle_Dazzle1

    Comment by Razzle_Dazzle1 (original poster) at 11:58 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • well the reason he is acting that way is because he can was excused for it his whole life. that's his way of life, why would he want to grow up. i'm sorry about your grandmother and i hope she has peace when she passes. but that uncle is something else, a poor excuse for a man and a human being. i would continue with the restraining order so is to not make him think that his actions are okay. he needs to grow up and i doubt he will. so you and your mother need to let him know that his actions will not be tolerated anymore
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 2:15 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN