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When do you express concern? When do you mind your business?

I'm gentle with peoples' feelings. i don't want to hurt anyone. I am SO concerned about my friends' daughter. My friend knows that her daughter is sleeping around but she's afraid to speak to her (daughter is 24). She knows, not because her daughter tells her but because she doesn't come home some nights. My friend provides everything for her kids (she has 3 kids -24, 19, and 14). She's a caring mom. She hates when her kids are mad at her and will do anything to make them happy. Her husband loves his kids but feels that child raring is for women (he just brings home the bacon).
Her daughter is having unprotected sex with some of the boys in her college. Her reputation is spreading, she's taking Plan B and having 1 night stands. I know this because my cousin goes to college with her daughter.
It's none of my business but I'm torn between talking to the daughter, my friend or leaving it alone. The daughter is legally an adult. My problem is am I failing her by not trying to express my concern? I am failing my friend because I avoid telling her to talk to her daughter?
If I tell my friend what i know, it'll only hurt her. If I mind my business, the daughter may do something that destroys her life.
What would you do in this situation? Talk or leave it?


Asked by Alexias30 at 9:20 AM on Jun. 9, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 18 (6,342 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • The daughter is 24 and not likely to listen to either one of you. Right now she is out in the world doing what the new society thinks is "natural." Look around at the questions and answers on here. Moms think it's ok to stick their daughters on BC because they are "going to do it anyway and they want them to be safe." Instead of teaching them to respect their bodies, they are being taught to just do it. Mom's are talking about taking the abortion pill because they "made a mistake." So how can an adult turn around and tell a child that they are doing wrong when for years these same adults said that it was OK. The best you might be able to do is have your cousin speak with her. That reputation will follow her the rest of her life.

    Answer by attap5 at 9:26 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Well, first off....a reputation isn't always true. So what your cousin may be hearing could be completely false.

    But other than that, I'd maybe say something to your friend. Invite her over for coffee and just bring up her daughter starting off by asking how she is doing in college and going from there.

    I would definitely NOT say anything to the daughter...!

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 9:24 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I would leave it alone. I would stop telling your friend the gossip you are hearing, As you already stated, the daughter is a 24 year old adult woman. It would be a different story if it were the 14 year old. good luck.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 9:23 AM on Jun. 9, 2011