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3 Bumps

How soon would you let a boyfriend move in?

I have been dating this guy almost 2 months and I live in a house now but getting ready to move in an appartment. He has made several comments that he wants to move in and that when I get the appartment I would want him there to feel safe. I feel like it is too much too soon. I just got out of a marriage and need some time alone. I am not scared to live there without him, I kind of feel used. He has no job, lives with his mom and she has been pressuring him to move out and he has 2 kids to pay child support for. Sometimes he talks so much about living together or being together I feel like it could be just for him to have a place to live. How would you take it? I told him to get a job and get his own place for now.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on Jun. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Sounds like you've already done what's best for YOU and that's what matters. But, I do agree with you in any case.
    Kari727

    Answer by Kari727 at 11:28 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I'd never let a boyfriend move in. He has to put a ring on it before he gets a key. "Almost two months" is a blip on the radar screen of your life and this dude sounds like a total user.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I wouldn't let him move in with me. He will be a mooch. That and I have children, I wouldn't let a man move in with me untll a wedding date was set.
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:31 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I would never even let a man I had only known for 2 months meet my children, let alone live with me and them. I don't want to be harsh, but honestly you just got divorced and maybe the company is good, but no job and sponging off of his mother does not sound like someone that you need to be dating! I would not do this, and I am thankful for your kids sake you said NO! I would say NO until he gets a job and is stable for a few years, and until your kids are up and out--I just think it sends kids a bad message to have mommy and her boyfriend living there.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:40 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I wouldn't let him move in either...it is too soon and he needs to be able to take care of himself and his children before even thinking about the two of you moving in together. I'm not saying you have to wait till you have a ring on your finger or a date is set...I believe in living with someone before making that decision, but definitely need to know each other better and for longer. You have kids you need to think about and he is just another mouth to feed being as he is unemployed. He shouldn't be pressuring you...and once he is there it is going to be hard to get him out if it doesn't work out. He sounds like he is trying to use you to have a place to stay...I hope for your sake he isn't. And, you just got out of a marriage...you need to do this on your own for a while before bringing someone else into the equation I think, just for your own peace of mind. GL momma
    sdks2011

    Answer by sdks2011 at 11:43 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Congratulations on knowing and doing what's best and right for you and your children. He needs to get a job and live on his own as well. Don't rush things, you need to recover and recuperate from the end of your last relationship. Stay in control, stand up for yourself, and continue to be strong. Learning to live on your own is the best way to discover what you really want in a relationship and in life.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:46 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I agree with your decision and intuition!
    kdwiegandt

    Answer by kdwiegandt at 12:47 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • When I first starting dating my DF his mom went on a month long vacation so he stayed at my house. We hadn't even been dating for a week. When she came back he was going to go back but she kicked him out because she found a cigar in his room (he was 19). So he stayed living with me. We've been together a year now and are expecting a son in October. BUT we have known each other and each others families since we were about 8 years old.
    -Tiffany-

    Answer by -Tiffany- at 3:14 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • No moving in until there is a ring AND a date, and a job and some long dating history and.... oh there is a whole lot more. Two months doesn't even get close to meeting my kids let alone moving in.
    mom2queenie2004

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 3:38 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • First: The fact that he still lives with mommy and has no job is a good enough reason to not have him move in.
    Second: you have only been with him for 2 months.
    Third: you need to be on your own for a bit more.
    You are on the right track in thinking. Keep up the good work!
    SnapIt

    Answer by SnapIt at 4:26 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

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