Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do I get him to understand?

Iam currently living with my fiance (who is 24) and I have a 1 and 1/2 year old son. I am 21 and my son's father and I each have my son every other week. My question is how do I get my fiance to understand that he needs to try to accept my son as basically his since he wants to marry me? And how do I get him to pay more attention to me? He pays more attention to his dog...

Answer Question

Asked by mommamonstr at 9:55 PM on Dec. 10, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • y the hell would he be marrying you if he is so interested in the dog then you?

    Answer by butterscotch297 at 9:56 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • You can't expect him to take that child on as his own, he has a father, and that would just be confusing. He should treat your son good and always be there for him, but since his father is in the picture he shouldn't have that role. Try talking to him

    Answer by Lizamafers at 10:00 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • Personally I wouldn't be involved with someone so seriously if they didn't have a great relationship with my kids. When I was dating DS, one of the best things about him was how he treated my nephew. He treated him like his own nephew, almost like his own son really. Family is so important, why would you marry someone that isn't interested in your family? Do you think he just needs more time to spend with your son before he'll come around or do you really think he won't come around? Marriage is forever and so is your son. This is not a problem that is going to go away unless you confront it head on.

    Answer by beckcorc at 10:06 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • 1. He's not the Daddy, but he should love and treat the son the same as he would his own. If he's not able to do that, then you need to rethink your relationship with him.
    2. If he's already not showing enough interest in you...then you should rethink your relationship with him.
    It doesn't sound like he's Daddy or husband material. If he's not too interested in you or your son, but is his dog... then the priorities aren't right for marriage and parenting.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:12 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • Yes, I understand all this, but he is also only 24 and I am his first real relationship... I think he might just not be used to the idea of being step dad yet, and when it comes to me, I know he loves me, I just want him to show it more, have more fun in our relationship, get that 'old spark' back(even though it wasn't too long ago). How do I get him to understand that he is the only one I have here besides my son? They are my only friends, I don't even know anyone else here... I don't know how to explain it exactly

    Answer by mommamonstr at 10:21 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • Have you two talked about kids together?

    Answer by Lizamafers at 10:23 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • Yes, we are going to have kids together, I just don't want him to think differently of mine than he will ours

    Answer by mommamonstr at 10:32 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • Ya in that situation ALL kids should be treated the same. I have a friend who has three kids with her husband and one from a one night stand before she met her hubby, he treats that boy like he came from him. It's very sweet.

    Answer by Lizamafers at 10:34 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • When you say he's "only 24" then it sounds like you're accepting of the fact that he's not mature enough to handle the responsibilities of marriage and children.

    These are MAJOR issues that need to be discussed openly and honestly (good, bad or indifferent) BEFORE you say "I do." If you dismiss them now, I'm guessing you two will NOT be celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary together--and really, that SHOULD be the goal--especially given your ages!

    Answer by LoriKeet at 10:37 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • poster no matter his age it has nothing to do with the type of person he is. my husband grew up with a lot of girls and he was the only boy. he married into an instant family and knows how to be good dad and handle a family. he never dated anyone with children but he is good with my kids who are teens cause of the way he was raised and that is part of his character. either you are or your not. so i would rethink what kind of person this guy really is before you marry him. it's just when you see bad guys you say or think he will change but you can't someones spots per say. he won't change who he really is inside. those are characteristics and they can't be changed. look at how many girls have warned you. it's cause we all have been there. please don't go there.

    Answer by melody77 at 11:06 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.