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Major parenting disagreement

my dh is a fair stepdad to my 2 kids. was better when we were just dating but hes way better than bio dad. some issues have come up with my 9 year old and we just dont agree on what should be done about it. hes convinced (even thought he has no kids of his own) he knows whats best and i think hes making a big deal out of nothing. i cant discipline my kids for something i dont think is wrong. but if i dont it causes arguments between us. its at the point i dont know if we can move forward in our relationship. i dont know what to do. help!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:54 PM on Jun. 9, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (16)
  • Talk about it.. you two need to agree on SOMETHING.. meet in the middle.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 12:56 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • weve tried talking but its his way or no way!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:59 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I agree, talk about it. DH and I are the biological parents of our children and we still don't always agree on things. Depending on the situation, I sometimes put my foot down and tell him he will not punish our DD for this or that, but other times, if it is important to him, I just stay out of it.

    The most important thing here is that you do NOT get involoved WHILE he is punishing her (or he when you're punshing her) because your child will see that, and it could very easily cause problems much worse than what you have now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • That would be the end for me. Marriage doesn't survive when there is no communication or compromise.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • What is the situation? One specific thing or ...?
    You know your child better than anyone. You may understand his motivations better. On the other hand, sometimes it takes a third party to see something for what it really is. So I think it really depends on the situation.
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 1:01 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I agree with Nicoles2LilRams sometimes it takes for a third party to come in your house and see your kids for who they really are.....but you do know your kids better than anyone so just talk about it
    KColeman90

    Answer by KColeman90 at 1:05 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • weve tried talking but its his way or no way!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) 3 minutes ago

    So everyone is missing this? The answer is to let a man who has no children of his own, is not the biological father even, decide everything all the time and do all the discipline? Wow. Great parenting.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • as a step-parent there has to be give and take..it really depends on how you both were raised and what your thoughts are..me and my dh dont see eye to eye either and i have seen several times when i wanted to walk out on my marriage bc he baby's sd way to much and she manipulates him and treats him like crap...i suppose it depends on the reason for the arguement..i know you have said you have talked about it but maybe you need to talk again and try to come together on middle ground..if you cut him off and dont accept some of his thoughts he will feel like he doesnt have a say in how his house is run and the rules...im sure he has good intentions i know in my case i surely do..
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 1:07 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • For me it would depends on what is being disagreed upon. I am guessing that he is getting mad at the little one for something that you see nothing wrong with. I tend to be more strict with the kids in some ways than my husband and vice versa. If he sees something wrong with it. I support his decisions. I might privately let him know that I think he was a little bit harsh or I do not think that it was that bad. In general though I know that he is just trying to help me raise well rounded, respectful well behaved kids and it is work.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 1:08 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • when my son was 6 he saw some kind of porn at my ex's house. not sure what exactly. since then my dh is convinced that my son is an at risk child. when my son and his sister touch each other he freaks out. my daughter can walk by and my son will trip her (which i think is typical kid stuff) and my dh will flip out saying how my son wants to sleep with his sister! my kids have gone to a counselor for years and she said the kids need to learn what space and boundaries are but that was it. she doesnt see any signs that there is any problems. its not like the kids are sneaking into each others rooms at night! so dh thinks the counselor doesnt know what shes talking about. dh read books and he knows better. hes making it such an issue the kids are afraid to do anything.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:09 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

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