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3 Bumps

MIL thinks she is helping, she is actually driving me bananas! (long..sorry)

Okay, I'm recovering from an emergency c-section...my Dr told me absolutely NO cooking, cleaning or picking up anything heavier then the baby for 3 weeks so my MIL has been coming over to cook dinner for me and help me keep the house clean...unfortunately the only thing she's really been doing is keeping me stressed out and frazzled.

 I didn't want her coming over here to clean up to begin with, it's fine if she wants to come over to visit with the kiddies or whatever but I have a problem with her coming over here poking through my cabinets and drawers, handling our dirty clothes, poking through my daughters room...all that just bugs me to begin with, but as strongly as I politely declined her offer of help she wouldn't take no for an answer.

She's not paying any attention to what I'm telling her as far as where things go, what I want her to do, what I want her to leave alone...she puts things where SHE thinks they should go...like I keep a cast iron skillet on the stove...that's just where I keep it..but she says she doesnt like things being left on the stove so she puts it away....she's completely re-arranged our entire kitchen...and of course now its like hers...she moved our plates, cups, silverware...she went into my bedroom even after I asked her not to and spent 2 days trying to convince me to let her clean up in there...I can't stand the thought of her cleaning my bedroom...I just can't

Another thing is she stays ALL DAY LONG...she even stays several hours AFTER my husband gets home! In my opinion when hubby gets home, company should leave, so that I'm able to have some quality time with him before he has to go to his night job....yesterday she came over at 12 in the afternoon and didn't leave until 7:45 in the evening!!!! I was so stressed out and stressed and overwhelmed when she finally left I didn't know what to do! And it's not like she was here talking to her son because he came in and fell asleep on the couch with his head on my lap like 30 minutes after he got here...she was just sitting in the chair...just here...for no reason

Now she was only supposed to be doing this until my sister got out of school for the summer and could come stay with me, but for some reason she's still coming over on Saturday! This is just too much, too often for me...I've politely suggested that she doesnt need to come several times but like I said..she won't take no for an answer...I'm a little nervous to bring it up to my husband that I don't want her "helping" me anymore because I don't want him to go on the defensive...I really don't know what to do but the whole situation is seriously stressing me out...I'm talking about my face and arms breaking out into hives kind of stress...what should I do???

Please no bashing I've told her I don't need her help but she is VERY over-bearing and just does what she wants to anyways...I also have to continue to be respectful to her so no suggestions that involve me cursing her out or anything like that....Thanx ladies

Answer Question
 
Lucky209

Asked by Lucky209 at 2:47 PM on Jun. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 28 (35,060 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • Let her know you appreciate that she is TRYING to help, but you really need some time without any company to help you recoup. If you are having someone else come in (your sister) let her know flat out that you have help coming and she doesn't need to keep coming over. Then, when your sister is there, take off so you aren't home when your MIL would be coming over. I understand having an overbearing MIL - I can't tell you how many times I have spent the day away from the house to get away from mine. When she got really bad I would even park the car a block from our home and lock all the doors and pretend I wasn't home. At that time she was coming over every day and staying for hours. I just couldn't handle it anymore.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 2:56 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Just start crying in front of her,, I can tell you want to any way, tell her you love and appreciate her, but you feel very pressured when she is around, and that it makes you feel uncomfrotable when she is going through your things,, tell her you know it is YOU and not her, but could she come over for a set amount of time, you need to have your husband with you when you tell her.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:55 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • just tell your husband how you feel or sit down and tell your mil, know it will be hard but if you're that stressed out you gotta talk to her. tell her everything you feel
    CEWarsop

    Answer by CEWarsop at 4:45 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

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