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Do women in abusive or dysfunctional marriage ASSUME everyone else is as well?

My cousin's friend made a comment after I jokingly said to my cousin that my husband would pick me up from shopping with her because 'at least he was good for something!" She knows this is a big joke because my husband is such a sweet,good guy. the girl started on like," I know right? You can't count on them for anything. They're so worthless!"

it got me thinking. My mom has this same attitude. She assumes all men are pieces of shit and can't grasp the fact that some men are great guys.


Asked by butterflyblue19 at 3:57 PM on Jun. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 50 (383,297 Credits)
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Answers (14)
  • I had a co-worker ask me once what I do when DH hits me. I was too shocked to answer. The "when" threw me. That violence would be an assumed part of any relationship is foreign to me.

    Answer by Liansmommie at 4:27 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • No, not all do. But if you've been treated like shite by men then it's not a stretch to assume that they are all like that.

    Answer by CraftingMama at 3:59 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I understand why some women who have been in abusive relationships think all men are dogs. My mother was in one who he beat her and me and my brothers...this is what I grew up with and to this day I pick men that are horrible, but I KNOW there are good men out there. Most women who have been abused takes a long time to trust the opposite sex again and that there are men who are loveable and do not believe in hurting a woman in any form.

    Answer by MissyNewMama at 4:01 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • i think most of us tend to just gab about it. its a habit, probably. like some sort of female-bonding. its totally not accurate or even nice of us, but it happens. i'm sure guys do it, too.

    Answer by dullscissors at 4:00 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I think honestly, some women are ones that wouldn't know what to do if they couldn't bitch about someone or something and most of the time it ends up on their DH/ SO. My Realtor is and always has been like this. A family friend/neighbor since I was little, she always will talk bad about her husband, nothing he will or trys to do will be right or HER way that DAY.. that's how my SIL and MIL are also with their DH's.. I couldn't think to live like that and I am even husband hating today myself but that is a rare thing for me.

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:02 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • When I lived with my abuser, I certainly felt that way... But the moment I broke free, reality started to sink in again. The almost 7 years of hell, it wasn't normal, 'men' aren't evil. HE was.

    I have a couple friends who are in the same place I once was, they simply can't wrap their brain around the fact that my SO is a good man. One who could never harm me, or anyone else. One who would give you the shirt off of his back if you needed it.... One who thinks of the small things that make each day a little brighter.
    You now, I also think that men are expected to be macho assholes, which is why the idea sticks.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 4:05 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • i totally agree, obby. in fact, if i even start to nag about the slightest thing on my dh, my gfs will say ,''oh, but lisa, he's a GOOD man.''...and i know he is, but sometimes you just want to complain to a girlfriend, ya know?? :))

    Answer by dullscissors at 4:11 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • dull- I know exactly what you mean. He has been my rock. The one absolute source of loving kindness and support while I've been in recovery from the abuse I've suffered. He's taught me that I *can* trust, and helped me learn how to again. If I could give him the moon, I would. I can never repay him for everything he has done for me, most importantly, simply being himself. Being good. :)

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 4:22 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • It's a defense mechanism that some women who have been treated badly use. They haven't yet experienced a man who is loving, kind, consider, and respectful.

    Answer by meooma at 4:04 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • because hubby's sister did the things she did in our 12 years of marriage, i assume that inlaws can not possibly be a good thing in ANY relationship but that is the way i think so yes there is some woman who think because one person did it, they all do it, not the same actions but that inlaws can't be worth anything in any relationship. So if i ever get a divorce, i wouldnt want to marry again because of the fear of bad inlaws. i know there are some woman on here who say they love thier inlaws and i just cant wrap my head around that!

    Answer by americansugar80 at 4:10 PM on Jun. 9, 2011