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My friend thinks there is something up with my daughter...

First off my DS has HFA so he requires a lot of 'work'. He acts out a lot and it takes a lot of my attention. My friend thinks this is causing my DD to act out as well. Now I do spend A LOT of one on one time with her! In fact for the last couple of months I have been a SAHM so she has had me all day every day while DS was in school up until a couple of weeks ago. DD haas always been like this though she:

is constantly getting into things and making messes. I mean like elmers glue all over the table, climbing on the furniture, pulling all of her clothes out of her closet, refusing to go to bed at night(screaming at the door), asking to eat but not eating meals and complaining all the time about everything form being tired to her tummy hurting to her butt hurting this to the point of me never knowing if she really is hurting or not...

obviously some of this is age related but it seems so out of control. she is corrected with time outs and privilege loss and occasionally a swat on the behind. It is like she is always into something. Even when I have given her things to do. She was sitting with me doing play dough and stuck a pea sized wad up her nose! I'm reading a book to her she tears the page out. I leave the room for a min she dumps a bag of flour in the floor... She is three and a half now and I feel like this should be starting to resolve it's self but it isn't. She seems to be learning nothing! lol. Do you think this has to do with her brother? If so what do I do about it? It's not like she is old enough for a therapist... However she is VERY verbal. She speaks at a 4 year old level (per her ped 6 months ago- I have no idea).

Answer Question

Asked by But_Mommie at 4:35 PM on Jun. 9, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 44 (181,645 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • talk to your pediatrician about her behavior & ask his opinion. He can tell you better than anyone on here.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:37 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Have you had her checked for aspergers? I'm just asking because a lot of times it tends to run in families and many of the things she is doing seem immature for 3 1/2.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:38 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Autism sometimes run in families. I agree about having her checked out.

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 4:39 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • have you taken her aside after her punishments for acting up and asked her why she did something? just sit down somewhere, just you and her, hold her hands, get on her level and ask her. she should know the answer and since you said she's very verbal it wont be that hard for her to explain. and remind her all the time that you love her!!!!

    Answer by dreamangel06 at 4:41 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • DS has Asperger's so I am very confident she does not. This seems to be more defiance. She knows she is being bad. She will do these things then put herself in time out or will go hide. You would have to see it... She has good eye contact, she is VERY social and her motor skills are all on track.

    Comment by But_Mommie (original poster) at 4:42 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • my DD is like that. Some kids are just that way the therapist says. I remember my brother being all that and much worse until like 13, then suddenly he just did a 360. I used to ask him why bc he caused a lot of issues and he used to laugh and say he wasn't sure, doing those things were just interesting to him and most were just short attention span or curiosity. I hope it takes WAY less time for DD to turn around than it did for my brother

    Answer by GirlWithANikon at 4:48 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I have to completely disagree that that is "immature" for a 3.5 year old LOL
    My son is perfectly capable of the SAME behavior when I neglect his needs or he is pent up, he is also 3.5 and VERY verbal as well. She may be a high energy child needing attention...and getting it through acting out!
    I would really focus on CALM parenting with her and check out the book : Raising Your Spirited Child. This book is GREAT! I think EVERy parent could benefit from it because of all the great ideas and perspectives therein.
    Believe me, I am sure someone with a docile child would think my son is possessed at times, but the reality is, we are under a LOT of stress as a family right now, we have a new baby on the way, and daddy is working away from home all there are CLEAR reasons for his world to be upsetting right now.
    Good luck, and really explore your options before thinking there is a "diagnosis" .

    Answer by boomamma at 10:54 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Also, I would pay close attention to the friends and influences she has...and MINIMIZE TV as much as possible.
    Children with that temperament (as is my own) need LOTS of running around out side time and constructive activities...and any destructive play to be redirected or reshaped or it builds that destructive muscle in them.

    I try to (when I can be patient enough!) to keep the focus OFF of his doing the wrong thing and refocus on compassion for WHY he may be doing it...and when he CAN do instead. The same stuff you do with a 1 year old...if they hit, you show them "nice touch" and you teach them "high 5" they learn appropriate touch. If my son is banging fists on me, he probably wants attention or is frustrated and is just not verbalizing his I give him a "do over" or playfully remind him the efficient way to get my attention. MOST of the time, this works...NO punishment necessary...and no tears.

    Answer by boomamma at 11:00 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

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