Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Was it right for me to let my husband leave?

my husband has a depression problem and we fight all the time anymore over it. we have four kids and been married two and together 8. i gave him the choice to stay and get help for it or he could go and he chose to leave us cause he wont get help cause he thinks doctors are quaks and he has been in the mental ward before. ihe told me to get help through all the problems we have had and i decided to seek a doctor and get put on an antidepression but he wont do the same. was it right for me to let him leave us and our kids. our kids watched him say goodbye and walk away.

Answer Question

Asked by angeleyz375 at 8:27 PM on Jun. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (708 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Yep, it takes two to make a relationship work! You cannot carry the emotional and physical burdens by yourself. If he isn't in it, then he's out of it. Good for you for making steps towards a healthier life for you and your family. I hope you find peace and happiness xoxoxo

    Answer by BeachyBabe at 8:36 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Unfortunately, he made his choice. It's a fair ultimatum. Depression is an ugly disease (I have it, too, so I can understand the stress it puts on a marriage). If it's interfering with the marriage, he has the responsibility to address it and seek help. If he walks away, then the marriage wasn't worth saving in his mind. It's time to make your peace with your new life without him. Make sure you get help when/if you need it, and be supportive of your kids, who may have trouble with this whole thing. Be honest with them about why he left, and make sure you and he are on the same page about the divorce. Don't talk badly about each other to the kids, try not to fight in front of them at this point, and focus on raising 4 wonderful kids. Best of luck to you!

    Answer by musicpisces at 8:39 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • sometime you have to do what you have to do.
    You went and got help for yourself, but he refuses to.
    I don't see anything else you could have done. I can't see putting your kids through it all getting worse.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 8:43 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I don't think its possible to say it was right or it was wrong. We all just do the best we can, for ourselves and our children. He is an adult and can and does make his own choices. Your children cannot make such choices, and its good to advocate for them - for without you, they do not have anyone looking out for them. The only thing you truly own is your integrity --- and if you have done all you can in good conscience to make it work and it just won't go and its bad for the kids --- then your only options are to let it damage everyone and hope you make it out alive, or give the ultimatum. We do our best and leave the rest to God, so if you have done your best, then that guy that left made his choice. The important thing now is to get ALL the kids into therapy ASAP. They MUST learn that He left because he is ill, NOT because of them. I hope you know that, too. Best wishes and God Bless.

    Answer by Jmomma532 at 8:44 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Ah, musicpisces, good point. If your husband had some horribly contagious, life threatening disease, and refused to get medication or treatment, would you still be questioning your choice to let him walk away?

    Answer by Jmomma532 at 8:46 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • well its no longer just him we have four kids and that should me something. i could even care less about me. i

    Comment by angeleyz375 (original poster) at 8:51 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • our 5 year old is praying for him before she goes to bad. makes me so sad

    Comment by angeleyz375 (original poster) at 9:00 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.