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3 Bumps

Should I forgive her??

So when I was pregnant w/ my first daughter 4 years ago, me and her father had split up for a while and my "best friend" sort of went after him, trying to kiss him at a bar one night. I forgave her and him and I moved in together (although we never really officially got back together, we were very close). However due to his lack of commitment, I moved out about 6 mos after our daughter was born. We still maintained a friendship and he would come over every week and help me w/ homework, hang out, what not. After a couple months he started hinting at still being in love w/ me and wanting to start going on dates and all this. Well, shortly after that, he left his myspace logged on my computer and something led me to look at his messages, and there was a big long message between him and my "friend" about her possibly being pregnant, and that it was his, and apparently they had a brief lil fling. I obviously confronted them both and got the truth out of him, with lots of tears and many many apologies, and talks, we got back together and have been for the past 2 years. Lately I've been thinking a lot about things and am wondering if I should sort of forgive her. Not so much become friends, as obviously I don't trust her as far as I could throw her, but I've been reading a lot about forgiveness and what not, and am getting tired of holding on to this angst. I am secure in myself and my relationship to the point where I feel I don't need to hold on to mistakes made in the past by others, if that makes any sense. But then sometimes I think about it like "wtf are you thinking?" LOL. Just need some opinions. She has tried to make contact w/ me via fb messages wishing me well and what not, but I've always ignored them. But yes, I'll end this. Thanks for any advice :)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:02 PM on Jun. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Yes, I think it would be healing for you to forgive her.

    Answer by blackisbetter at 9:06 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • if you can forgive her and let it go then I would, I'm not so sure about being friends but being on good terms

    Answer by DianeMary at 9:08 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Honey, you have to forgive her for your peace of mind, but you really dont need someone like that in your life, thats alot of negative energy that your willing to put in your life that seems to be going fairly well finally. After all the drama and the tears, I understand your desire to stay with your guy, I get that. But Im sorry you dont have kids with this woman, and she betrayed you. Forgive her for you, let that part of your life go and find more friends that would not do that to you. I'm sorry, but I have a friend who slept with my boyfriend and I didnt find out until after I gave myself to him, it has never been the same and I would never trust her again. But am I angry about it? No, I forgave her and never talked to him again....and for good reason. Negative!

    Answer by MissyNewMama at 9:09 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • it sounds like you weren't married, and it sounds like you and your SO were not together when these things happened. Technically she did nothing wrong, though I would not call what she did smart at all!
    but then, how often do we really use our heads where men are involved?

    I'd forgive her.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 9:12 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • You can forgive her, let it go and not be friends with her. Certainly don't hang onto angst, that just makes you sick.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 9:13 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Forgive but don't forget. Keep her at a distance. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

    Answer by Olivia4116 at 9:13 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • You can forgive her, but she doesn't have to be a part of your life after you do it. You don't even have to see her to forgive her. Just let it go. You can even write a letter, and you don't have to send it. Or, you could send it to her. Either way, the forgiveness part has nothing to do with whether or not you see her again and involve her in your life again. They are two separate decisions. Good luck!

    Answer by dwmom2008 at 9:14 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • If anything holding onto hurt and resentment does damage to yourself and not her, so I say forgive and move on from it all.

    Answer by BeachyBabe at 9:15 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • As long she does not get back in your life! Than do it if it will make you feel better.

    I could never forgive her, she was your BF and went after your dh! No way!


    Answer by gammie at 9:55 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • You can forgive her, but I wouldn't let her get too close. If I was in your position, I would have dropped both of them, and just not cared. I'd still deal with the ex because you have a kid together, but as far as the friend goes...complete delete.

    Answer by monstersmommy20 at 9:57 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

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