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So sad...with my loving, caring...unproductive hubby...

please read and advise...I really need input...I have a really great husband. For the past several months he has been taking care of everything for me. I have some strange health things going on and the answers the doctors give us is... sorry I just do not know what is going on. I have swelling everywhere, I can not close my hands, my feet legs arms just everything hurts. My skin feels like it is going to split sometimes. Anyway, I am still working everyday but when I get home I am so exhausted all I can do is crawl into bed and put my feet up. This is where I get confused...I am working everyday in more pain than I have ever experienced before. He is not working! My sorry little income can not support us. I suggested looking for low income housing because we can not afford our home. I ask if he has any appointments scheduled for his work and he never does. Whenever I see him at his computer he is either watching some history channel show or playing poker. I never see him being productive at his work. He will spend hours reading webmd about my symptoms. He will comment that maybe being in a stressful situation is part of the cause. Then he will serve me dinner in bed! Bottom line I am not happy, I should be but I am not. He has so much potential but I can not live on potential. We can not. I guess what is prompting this is our nine yr. old daughter told me today that she was trying to find a job online today! She said she wants to get more money. I have not talked to him about my feelings in quite a while. You see it has been years since he has maintained any kind of substantial income. It is always one thing or another that "prevents" him from working. It seems like he is so worried about me he can't be apart yet I go to work and he is home! This does not work for me. It is like he gets so occupied in doing insignificant unproductive things that what is important just goes by the wayside. It seems to me that he is just fine accepting welfare or assistance from church than do for himself or his family. I am tired, I do not know how to bring this up without either getting into a fight or him acting like the injured party. Whenever I bring this stuff up he gets so defensive then just says I am right cries a little, yet nothing changes EVER! Other than his lack of work he truly is a wonderful, caring, gentle man. I am so sad...what do I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:17 PM on Jun. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • Wow, I'm so sorry for you and your situation. Not sure what could possibly prompt your man to decide it's time to support his family... I don't know what to say except you're really lucky that he's a caring loving husband. That's better than a lot of men out there. Chronic unemployment can be a hard mountain to conquer, though, so tread carefully with him. *hugs*
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 11:21 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • It sounds like you have been tolerating far too long. All you can do is be honest. Keep humor in your communication. It will make it easier for both of you. So sorry you have not been feeling well. It makes everything seem so much worse......
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 11:31 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • have you talked to anyone about fybromyalgia? I'm not a medical professional, but I have it and what you are describing sounds a lot like what I have to deal with.
    As for your husband, I've never known anyone that was really able to force someone to do more to make money. It sounds to me that you may have to just accept that he may not, or look to living without him.

    he may be depressed. if he saw someone about that it may help the situation.
    if it was me, I'd first see about getting the name of a health care professional that knows about fybromyalgia and see what they think.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

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