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7 Bumps

It's so unfair !

My husband and I hardly ever have money, I am on a constantly strict budget , which is even harder since we have 2 new babies ...

My husband has 2 kids with his ex wife and pays her child support... She has a good job, she makes enough money to pay for her nice house, nice car, anything the kids could ever want and then some... My husband supported her when they were married and payed for her to go to school... they are here pretty much 2 days a week and yet still has to pay child support , and it is enough that she gets all of this extra money but we cant really buy any extra stuff...

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:49 AM on Jun. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (35)
  • Sounds like you just need to vent because that really wont change until his kids with his ex turn 18, sorry.

    Answer by MissyNewMama at 7:51 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • He made the kids and it doesnt matter if shes working and providing them a good life he is still responsible financially. Maybe you can look into getting a part time job, even babysitting? You could then have some mad money of your own. You knew going in he had these two kids though right? It doesnt matter how often they spend with you its support for the kids. My son lives at his dads house and his dad makes ALOT of money. I have shared custody. I pay child support. We are broke half the time. I dont work. My dh has to pay MY child support. No it isnt fair, but it is what it is and my dh knew coming in what the situation was.

    Answer by gemgem at 7:53 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Go to court and see if you can have the amount adjusted based on your families new needs. Anymore they look at both incomes yours as well as hers. It may not work but it is worth a shot right? Perhaps in creased time in your home can help as well, here when time is split 50/50 there is no child support issued in a lot of cases, not all. AS the PP said you wil be dealing with this in one way or another until the kids turn 18...

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:54 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Money is not Happiness. You have a family is that is what is important. Don't think too much about the other woman. You are only getting yourself stressed.

    Answer by Cafemomoftwo217 at 7:59 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Here's a way to look at it for you. If your husband and YOU divorced, I know you would want and need that child support as well. It may not seem fair until you're in his ex wives shoes. Is just the way it is and the way it should be. When my husband and I nearly divorced years and years ago, He was served with the papers showing how much he'd be paying. Was incredible how he was willing to finally go to marriage counseling and took on the "cheaper to keep her" route... (my not so good way to try and make it sound a little silly) sorry...I've invested lots of time staying home and raising "OUR" girls, if our marriage hadn't work out it's wasn't our children's fault.
    I hear so many stories like yours...I would not want to be a second wife. Best wishes

    Answer by momma-t42 at 8:00 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Not to be harsh but before your two children you knew you had this other financial obligation. You can go back to court but it won't be adjusted based onyour two newer additions. It is calculated by a guideline and based on income of your husband. Your husband is obligated to pay a portion of his earned income to his children each month or week depending onhow it is set up. When planning on extending a family it is important to look at previous obligations and continuing responsibilities. How the mom spends her household income is really up to her. Your household income is whatever is left after your spouse provides for his other children. If you do not have nicer things you should have taken that onto consideration before expanding your family. Financial obligation does not decrease because another woman wants children.

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:03 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • We HAVE went to court to try and get it changed... the judge was a dick and added another $50 a month to what she gets... and actually said that if we didn't have enough money WE should stop having kids ( this was when i was pregnant with my second ) ... Apparently judges are aloud to be assholes...

    ALSO ...she is dating a guy who has a good job as well... I seen on her facebook that they will probably get married soon, so now she will have even more money !!!


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:07 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • If you have such a problem with it then you shouldn't of married a man with kids to another woman. Not sure what else to say.

    Answer by notjstasocermom at 8:16 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • I think if she gets married then things for you will change for good. Once she is married to another man then the new husband will have to support her. I think???

    Answer by Cafemomoftwo217 at 8:51 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • I agree the judge sounded like a jerk...There isn't a rule book to being married the first time around let alone one for second time etc. It's all trial and error (no pun intended) You're going through an adjustment that is causing you to compare. You shouldn't do that, it will only cause you to grow bitter and may effect your relationship with your step children. Money is will never buy one happiness. Be the best wife/mom/stepmom you can be and try and let this reality go. Don't compare, you'll only make yourself miserable, and your family too. I'm sure your husband carries this financial burden as well, he needs your emotional support to put this fire out. :)

    Answer by momma-t42 at 8:51 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

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